Deadpool and Cable: Movie-Tie In

May 25, 2018:

Cable and Deadpool do a CoMUX holiday special.

Characters

NPCs: None.

Mentions:

Plot:

Mood Music: [*\# None.]


Fade In…

Cesar Dominguez; infamous in South America for trafficking both humans and drugs. Having seeded much of South America his criminal network is seemingly without limit. The movement of people, drugs, and cash connected to his illegitimate businesses are conducted through typical channels. Stashed in trucks. Hidden in drums. Moved in vans.

Two weeks ago Cesar purchased a new estate in Belize. It’s moving day..

[Interior – Jumbo Jet Full of Stuff – South America]

The dull whir of motors as the transport rumbles through the air. Twelve minutes ago the vessel left Columbian airspace such that is not traverses the currents above the Caribbean Sea. The jetliner is packed. Crates of furniture and artwork. A Lykan Hypersport. A Lamborghini Veneo. Truly this is a honey hole.

It’s also protected. Various central and south American mercenaries origins have been contracted for the ride.

The moment the plane passes over the fifteenth parallel it happens.

Engines stutter briefly. The lights in the bulk-cargo compartment blink. A bright white light suffuses an are at the left-side of the Hypersport’s wheel-well and in the fraction of a second Cable is digitally assembled.

<brrp> <brrp>, the figure begins shooting before even fully assembled a spray of SMG fire peppering one foe as he crouches placing wheel and engine between himself and incoming fire.

Cable; the fusion of a man and an armored vehicle. He wears a ballistic vest that looks to have been stuffed with the ablative armor of a tank. Covered in pouches and bandoliers he has a cornucopia of reserve ammunition, anti-personnel mines, futuristic grenades, and firearms.

He aims to loot the place.

*

A red and black gloved hand sets down a small gray radio on top of one of the many crates of expensive things. The name 'Wade' scrawled on a piece of masking tape. The hand takes a moment to look around, kind of, before it disappears back down behind the crate.

Seconds Pass…

The hand pops back up quickly, knocking over the radio and fumbles around for the next few moments, making a very strong effort to slide the battery cover off. It takes some frustrated thumb sliding but eventually the back pops off. Dead batteries are poured out on top of the crate and a set of new batteries are haphazardly shoved into the spot where the dead ones once were. This takes a little bit of time but eventually they get shoved in their right. The back of the radio's battery slot gets slammed back into place and the radio is set upright once more. A moment's pause and the old batteries are FLICKED in random directions before that black and red gloved hand offers a thumbs up to whomever just watched that entire ordeal and disappears slowly behind the crate once again.

The gloved hand pops back up one more time to slide itself across the volume of the radio, turning it up loud enough to be heard in the background of the scene itself. This time, that gloved hand flips the bird to whomever was paying attention and disappears (faster this time) back down behind the crate.

CUE THE MUSIC: https://youtu.be/kO6BtpIzIiM

As the music starts bumping at a loudness that certainly will draw more attention than probably should be drawn, the shimmy-shamming, jimmy-jamming form of R&B Deadpool rises from behind the crate. While he's wearing his normal red and black suit of death and destruction, armed to the teeth with blades and guns and less pouches than Cable (FOR NOW!), he's also taken it upon himself to jazz up the outfit. He's wearing a few gold chains around his neck. He's rocking a red Kangol bucket cap on his masked head.

He's certainly feeling the beat as he works some serious freak-dancing moves as he reveals his position from behind the crate he obviously opened because none of these jewels or accessories are even his. There's no way he can afford this shit. Also, he's not even supposed to be on this vessel of flyingness.

Hes' either making one awesome as hell entrance or he's being one unkillable distraction. Either way, this calls for some shaking of the bootay.

Deadpool: 90's Twerking Edition. Behold.

Which is probably not the best way to handle things because, y'know, bad guys and shooting. None of which he's paying attention to. He worked very hard with the producers of Lip Sync Battle to put this together and dammit he's going to work it! Y'know, before he starts killing people.

*

«brrzt» «brrzt», a burst of gunfire reduce a mercenary’s features to SphaghettiOs, «brzzt» «brrzt» the next burst hits another fellow who attempts to lunge behind cover but is suddenly flung back into the open by some invisible force such that bullets pierce the region and bounce around within his chest.

The hollow points make quick work of flesh but are less adapted to pierce the hull of the aircraft or the bullet proof armor of the mercenary crew. Within seconds Cable has cleared out one half of the aircraft such that his position behind the vehicle is cover from the rest of them..

..the Askanin’son peels away and begins to rise..

‘Ahh, Tick-tock you don’t stop..’

..at the opening line he dives hard to the ground. Scrambling back beneath the wheel well. It doesn’t take an Omega-level telepathy to assess the situation.

“Wade,” Cable’s gravelly baritone barks from behind the car.

The other mercenaries are momentarily confused by the body slide, the sudden lethal affliction to their allies, and now the music.

“WADE,” he shouts over the music, “Friend or foe?!” He asks, “Kill those guys..”

*

"Ummmmmmmmmm. Shadow Stevens?"

Deadpool's answer probably doesn't make any sense but most of the time he doesn't make any sense and that's what makes him make actual sense.

Does that make sense?

In the midst of his freaky sexy time dancing to the music that probably made him the man he is today, Deadpool looks down to realize that he's actually been getting shot by bad people this entire time. There's holes all in his suit and his body, blood all over the place and it's just not a pretty sight. Sure he felt the bullets passing through him earlier but he was dancing and you don't stop the entrance dancing to react to getting shot.

"Relax, Terminator Genisys, I got this!" Deadpool immediately reaches for both of his katanas and ballets into the fray, spinning his swords around in his hands whilst making short work of the wrists that are holding the guns that are shooting at him and the sexy cyborg man that's over near the car. It's a murderous dance of violent intent that may involve a couple of decapitations but Deadpool doesn't seem to be worried about being too murdery. It's all about the murder at this point.

"So if we kill everyone on board, do we like…" Wade chats with the nonchalantness of a cast member of The Office while stabbing a rando mercenary of evil through the throat with a blade. "… get to keep this entire Spruce Goose?" Deadpool removes the blade and lets the body fall behind him while turning towards Cable.

"If so, dibs on the sexy lingerie!"

*

Cable waits. Music. Dancing. Bullets. Decapitations.

Errant gunfire and viscera mar the multi-million dollars cars. As the numbers are thinned and then eliminated completely he merged from behind the car a futuristic sub-machine gun – the fusion of an a NERF CS-Blaster A4492 and a P90 – held at low ready in his right hand. Cybernetic left-hand tears a pouch from his bandolier which he tosses towards the Merc with a mouth, “Yeah, whatever you can carry and mark.” Seemingly immune to the lascivious comment.

Inside the pouch there’s eight circular devices about two inches in diameter.

Moving towards one of the flat squarish crates, firearm always positioned in a relaxed position towards Wade, he tags that crate and then nods as if to say ‘your turn’, “Didn’t expect you to turn up here,” he admits moving towards another crate, “Finally run out of pizza coupons?” He asks without any sort of humor

*

"They expired on me. Can you believe that shit? Fuckin'. Expired. Like your mother's breast milk."

Deadpool has put his bloody swords back in their sheaths and is walking around to everything that's not nailed down and slapping a 'Deadpool Logo Sticker' on them. He definitely got these from the Dollar Store. Or something. He's loving every moment of picking and choosing everything that Cable didn't pick and choose. It makes things a lot easier for him.

"Good thing I brought my Mary Poppins bag!" Deadpool holds up his Magic Satchel of Holding, which just looks like an ordinary satchel but it has POWER and beams from behind his mask. "Besides, I couldn't have my re-appearance in the CoMUXverse be without you! We made a shitload of money opening weekend!" Deadpool gives a thumbs up to all the log readers out there. They know what he's talking about.

"Dibs!" Wade stumbles over to the side of the jumbo jet and slaps a few stickers on the inside of the jet wall itself. "I don't have anywhere to store this thing but I want it. We should keep it together. You can be Baloo and I'll be Kit Cloudkicker." Wade snatches up his radio and looks at Cable. "Do you have a shrink ray in one of those pouches? I'm willing to frisk you if you need help finding it."

*

[Lily returns from OOC Land.]

*

Lily

*

Lily heads out to The Sound Stages.

*

Cable places another one of the devices upon a crate.

“I’m from the future, Wade,” Cable reminds him as if this had come up every time they had met, “When we’re through here I’m going to have to search the internet in order to understand what, the hell, you’re trying to say..”

Wade’s inability to take turns has him moving around the area placing one device after another.

“Genisys,” Cable circles back, “..I saw the first three terminators,” Nathan says honing in on something they discussed in a prior series, “James Cameron. What’s the deal with the Titanic? Is that really a /thing/,” Cable pauses in his marking, “or was it pop culture?”

Still clutching the SMG he cants his head slightly to one side, “Professor, extricate.”

The crates Cable marked shimmer, including the Lamborghini, teleporting about a third of the goods into the unknown.

“So I imagine by now the pilot has the Belize military assembling at the airport. You really want me to send this garbage somewhere,” Nathan asks him, “or you just gonna ride this thing down like,” his mechanical eye narrows slightly, “Dr. Strangelove? And see what happens?”

*

Deadpool seems to be weighing his options right out there for everyone to see. While the things he's marked with a sticker disappear into his SATCHEL OF HOLDING, there's probably a few things he pickpockets as well. He doesn't get cool future tech so he should get a lot more turns! Hmph!

"Titanic was almost as bad as being the next contestant on the Price is Right. But! It did give us Celine Dion. And for that, I salute James Cameron." Deadpool raises a hand to his head and immediately switches to a more familiar move.

"SCHWING!"

With that dated reference thrown into the world, Wade kicks a random mercenary skull out of the way and takes a seat on a crate that he's hoping has something good in it. "I guess we could always steal a better jet. One that doesn't have so many dead bodies in it." He looks over to the pile of bodies and body parts. "Hey, do decapitations count as one or two in our Battle of the Body Counts?" Deadpool pulls out a small notepad and flips it open where there are a crap load of tally marks. Keeping score, baby!

"Dr. Strangelove is almost as sexy as Dr. Horrible." Deadpool stops himself from falling into a daydream sequence. He waves away the wavy lines and looks up at Cable. "Could we make this thing land on Logan Paul's house? Circle Y or N."

*

Cable seems to be done picking through the loot. He’s already marked ‘NEED’ and teleported away the things that he felt were necessary leaving Wade to ‘GREED’ what he has determined to be undesirable. Still, he watches the ‘Mary Poppins Bag’ with a keen interest. Useful tech?

His graying brow furrows at the answer to his Titanic inquiry. Perhaps the Askansi’son thought that by versing himself in the last encounter’s references they could have a conversation that didn’t include greater quantities of even more confusing references.

“Don’t need a jet,” Cable replies then, “and a decapitation counts /once/ because its /one body/,” his grizzled features narrow fiercely as if predicting a response, “Even if you cut /one body/ in /two/ its /two halves/. It’s still /one body/, Wade. It doesn’t how many pieces you cut it into.” Mankind’s savior allows some frustration to show.

Then he says, “Circling ‘or’,” Cable replies, “good luck with that.”

“Body Slide by one.” The jet shudders as its electrical systems momentarily destabilize. Nathan Summers is enveloped by a halo of light and transported away.

*

"Call me!"

Wade frowns beneath his mask and finishes marking down his tallies with the mini-golf pencil that he probably stole from some session of mini-golf that he probably wasn't actually playing. More like causing death there probably. Deadpool leads a complicated life.

"He's got me by at least a hundred people. So not fair. His bullets are so much faster than mine."

Deadpool turns to realize he's talking to a headless corpse and then sighs, figuring that the jet is probably headed downward to crashing by now.

"Okay. As much as I hate to love that man, that body sliding shit is really fucking cool. I've got to get one of those." Wade pulls out his phone and boots up Amazon. "Body Sliding Time Machine Thingy." Deadpool talks as he types, sliding off his impromptu seat and letting the Satchel of Holding collect more of the GREED stamped items.

"To Xfinity and Beyond!"

With that Deadpool's teleporting device activates and he <BOOMF>'s out of the jet.

… Dear god, who knows where he's going to end up.

Also, there's a handful of pinless grenades rolling along the floor of that jet now.

*

BOOM!

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