Joyride

April 23, 2018:

Iron Man tracks a missing shipment of tech and finds a pair of joyriding aliens + an Asgardian.

An Access Road Somewhere

Characters

NPCs: Slicky the Alien Blob, Furiosa the Kree

Mentions:

Mood Music: [*\# None.]


Fade In…

Who would be stupid enough to steal from him.

This is the question on Tony Stark's mind as he looked at the report earlier. It wasn't even anything huge. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing world destroying. It was a delivery going from one of his other buildings to the Tower so he could fix something for SHIELD.

…but someone had been stupid enough to steal it.

"Its not like it wasn't marked!" He grouses out loud to his AI companion as he stalks towards the outer deck. "I mean really. Stark. Right on the side. I mean you'd have to be from outer space to not know who that is!" He says as holographic imagry starts to pop up around him. It hadn't been that long since the theft.

"JARVIS? Is the van GPS working?"

"…er…yes sir…" A apuse from the AI. "This could be a trap?"

Stark just pops his neck for a second. "Good. I can work some stress out. Load up the Mark 50 and I'll take her for a test spin." A pause. "Peaty Maxipoff is a dick. Just so you know."

"So you've said before, sir."

"Well yeah. Just sayin' again…"

And with that Stark…without a moment of hesitation off the edge of the roof. The man has that much faith in his own tech.

Faith that is rewarded seconds later as a sleek suit of hot-rod red and gold streaks towards the skyline. The suit itself having caught him before he was halfway down.

…he's gotten good and mid-air mounting these things.

*

There's a 'that's what she said' joke in there somewhere.

Ahem.

The van is driving erratically down an access road in a rail yard. It's barely staying in the lane and goes from full speed to barely moving. The gears audibly shift and grind, audible even from a distance. At least for a moment until…

The stereo suddenly cracks on at MAX VOLUME mid-lyric.

o/~"…your tiny wings and fly away/and take the snow back with you where it came from on that day./The one I love forever is untrueeee…/and if I could, you know that I would fly away with youuuuu…"o/~

Anne Murray probably never figured she'd be getaway music, but here we are.

*

"AND!" Stark seems really upset as he notes the way the car is moving. "They have no idea how to drive a stick! What is with people trying to take my stuff!" He growls as he streaks though the sky at speeds just below what would cause mass property damage.

He's done enough of that.

"JARVIS. Contact SHIELD and the police. Make sure to keep people out of the area just in case its someone that actually knows what their doing insatead of a bunch of idiots."

The raido suddenly clicks on.

"Though I'm guessing its going to be idiots." He says with a sigh. "There isn't anything I'm really going to miss in that van is there?"

"…no sir…I assume you're planning on something reckless that would make Miss Potts frown?"

"Naturally!"

And as the van suddenly slows down Iron Man drops out of the air, intending to put a fist though the engine block and stop the van the old fashioned way.

If timed right it /shouldn't/ flip. If timed wrong? Well flipping it looks even more dramatic so he'll just go with it.

*

Yeah, that'll do it. It's even more perfectly timed. because as the van spins over Tony's head, Anne Murray's lyrics soar up the register, o/~"Fl-y-y-y-y-yyyyyy away with youuuuuuuuu…."

CRUNCH.

The van flips up and over and then lands nose first before slamming into the ground. Hubcaps go rolling off and clatter loudly. There's a sudden slam from within the van. The door goes flying and bounces off a dumpster. Out pours a woman who looks like a Mad Max alien reject. She's got an impressive puff of gray-pink hair, one mangled eye and layered armor that looks like it's made of out scrap metal. Her skin is deep blue. Almost as soon as she's out of the van, she's levelling a smallish looking weapon.

A smallish looking weapon that SPIKES Tony's energy readings before it fires. That thing might be small but it's a goddamn hand canon. And it fires a ball of energy that expands as it gets closer. By the time it reaches Tony's position, it's expanded to almost as large as he is.

*

Well this is unexpected.

As the woman kicks her way out of the van, Stark is only able to look for broad details. Details like, blue skin is not normal. Gray-pink is not a natural hair color. Mangled eye…and is reacent wound…and of course if she's hot or not.

That last one is on auto-scan.

"JARVIS?"

"Not a mutant or any known enhanced, sir."

"Great…" And he flips the speakers on. "So lady, you've obviously made a horrible mistake and you want to surrender right? I mean that's why you…"

"She has a weapon, sir."

When it fires, the expanding energy wave takes Stark by suprise. The force of the blast picks him up off his feet and send him flying backwards into the wall of a building across the way. Brick shatters under the impact as he goes though the wall, legs sticking out of the smoking hole he made as Stark stares up at the ceiling.

"Right." He says as he grips the side of the ruined wall to pull himself out of the hole. "Not surrendering. JARVIS find out who she is and what that was."

The Iron Man launches himself out of the rubble and back towards the woman, his hand mounted repulsors sending blasts of kenetic energy and heat slashing out towards her and her smallish looking weapon.

*

The woman - let's call her Furiosa - has already gone for cover behind a dumpster. The repulsor hits her shoulder and shoves her back, but she only grunts. Her armor seems to have absorbed the energy. She appears from behind the dumpster for a split second, then fires off another blast.

Meanwhile, there's an incoming bogey for JARVIS to pick up on, at about the same time that something…oooozes out of the passenger side of the van. It coalesces from an oil slick into something vaguely humanoid-looking. It lets out a roar of frustration just as a small something flings out of nowhere and attaches to its neck-like area.

"NOT YOU AGAIN! NOT THE SH…—-ahghgaghgh." cries Slicky, just before it spikes with energy and splits the oil slick down into a thousand smaller blobs. Standing there with a remote in her hand is a not-especially tall woman in leather armor, her hair tied back in a lazy braid, with white face paint and a satisifed look on her face. Valkyrie keeps up the shock level. "That's what you get for joyriding." She sounds like she's speaking English. And even English-English from the sounds of the accent.

*

"Um, sir…" This time Stark jerks to the side, letting the wave cannon pass to one side as he slides though the air. "…about the woman…"

"Let me guess," He says flatly. "This is once again one of those times I said something as a joke and it totally turned out to be true."

"Yes, sir. She's Kree."

"Great. I got to remember to /not/ do that. What else can go wrong…"

The door to the van is blown open as a ooze goes and oozes out of it. Obviously alien at this point as Stark just rolls his eyes. "I had to ask…" He is about to retrain his sights on Slicky when…something else flies in and deals with him. Well. Someone else.

Behind the helm of his suit Stark just blinks a moment. "Well she's hot. I approve."

Then the Kree is shooting at him again and he growls as he takes aim at the dumpster itself and slams it with a double palm blast. Hopefully sending it careening into Furi as she takes cover.

"JARVIS?"

"Working, sir."

Stark lets the AI work as he swiches to external speakers again. "So I'm going to guess these two aren't friends of yours."

*

Valkyrie tugs a container off her hip. She reaches down and scoops up some of the individual blobs, then slowly backs off the shock. Slicky, rather than re-form, just kind of oozes pathetically around on the ground. "Don't worry about this one. He can't take humanoid form when some of his matter is detatched." She tucks the vial into a pocket on her belt. She then takes in the man in the metal suit. "Well. That thing seems excessive."

Meanwhile, Furiosa has been pinned behind the dumpster, but not for long. There's a soft whine, and then the dumpster blows back and off her, bouncing hard against the wall. Her face is a knot of blind fury. One arm is hanging awkwardly, but the other raises the weapon to fire, this time at Valkyrie.

In one quick swoop, Valkyrie removes Dragonfang from the holster at her back. She slices through the expanding ball of energy with the blade, which dissipates it harmlessly.

*

"Beautiful," Stark drawls. "If you've seen some of the people that try to kill me on a regular basis you might be saying it's not excessive enough." He calls back towards Valkyrie before the dumpster goes flying and Iron Man's attention again turns towards the Kree woman.

Who shoots /entirely ineffectually/ at the newcomer.

A newcomer who cuts energy with a sword.

Stark just quirks a brow for a moment until JARVIS' voice cuts in again.

"She's Asgardian, sir. Similar scan to Thor and Atli."

There is a deep sigh from the man before he shakes his head. "Of course she's Asgardian. Of course." He mutters before he spins the suit and dials up the power on the palm blasters. The woman in Kree so he needs more punch, but not enough to kill at least as he levels both 'barrels' at her and fires.

"So what brings you to my town?" This towards Valkyrie. "Seeing the sights? Fighting some aliens?"

*

"Apprehending some criminals," says Valkyrie. She looks over at the van, then up at the metal-clad face. "Was that vehicle yours? Sorry. They've been naughty."

She doesn't see the need to run in. "That's not going to wo-ork," she sing-songs as Tony fires his repulsors.

Sure enough, the two blasts hit Furiosa square and jostles her back, but her suit seems to chew up the force and dissipate it.

*

"So what you're Asgardian police?" Stark replies with a smirk that she can almost hear as he stares at the non-effect the blasts have on the Kree. "I thought they had like…an army for that sort of thing. Or knights. Or something like that." The man adds as he jets back to hover near Valkyrie.

His eyes narrow slightly though before he smirks slightly. "Well any suggestions on what will work? I'd rather not chew up the entire street trying different things unless I have to." He adds as he starts running a scan on the armor of Furi's.

It had to do something with that energy, if he can use something else against her that would work to.

*

Valkyrie snorts. It's a loud, brutish sort of sound. "I suppose you could call me a bounty hunter." Whenever anyone says 'I suppose,' that means the definition that follows isn't exactly right. She stands back, arms folded. Apparently she's curious about what Tony will think to do. "You're doing fine. Give it another go."

Meanwhile, Furiosia is getting…furious. She tugs two wicked looking blades from holsters on her back and suddenly charges for Tony, slashing out with brute force and no shortage of skill. The blades aren't adamantium or vibranium, but they're sharp and strong enough to at least mess up his paint job.

*

"I suppose you're welcome here then," Stark's reply with that same smirk even as he has to raise his arms in defense this time. The blades shave paint and metal from the forarms of the armor as the Avenger meets the Kree in melee.

A thrust assisted punch is aimed for the Kree's face as he fights to get some room and smirks as he rewirtes programs and systems into something new.

The repulsors in his hands suddenly shift color and instead of bright energy beams that come forth this time it is a blue-white freezing mist. A 'cold ray' for lack of a better term. Ment to slow and freeze his opponent, making her armor brittle is a nice side effect if he can manage it.

*

Valkyrie stands back, and almost in Slicky, who oozes away in almost a sulky matter. She looks down at the alien. "Oh, don't pout. Once I have you in containment, I'll put you back together again." She shakes her head and looks back at the brawl.

That…works better than straight-up energy. The ice enters every crevice in her shock absorbing armor and while it doesn't stop her completely, it does slow her considerably. She starts telegraphing those thrusts as she fights against the jamming ice. She bares her teeth and growls. Her one good arm attempts to thrust against Tony's chest, but she doesn't have the power to deliver an efficient blow.

*

Stark nods slightly to the effect, using the thrusters on his suit to boost the speed of what should be an ungainly suit of armor into something truly impressive. The man has an almost intuitive sence for angles as he skips past a thrust before delivering a backfist to her sit, the crushing blow aimed at one of the frozen, weakened parts of her armor to try to shatter at least a part of it.

I mean if that doesn't work…he's got so many other toys.

*

If Valkyrie had popcorn, she'd be eating it. Instead, she pulls a bag of candy out of her pouch and pops one in her mouth. She tosses a few into the oil slick which bubbles and dissolves the treats.

Meanwhile, Furiosa howls as the blow shatters armor, revealing a blue arm with tattoos and scars beneath. She attempts a futile slash with her sword and her other arm, but there's no power to it at all and the blade glances and drops from her grip. She drops to her knees, then glares daggers over at Valkyrie. "I see you are enjoying yourself, Asgardian! Is this one to be your new Grandmaster?" She spits out a mouthful of blood.

*

"Grandmaster? That sounds like a downgrade. I like Iron Man better," The Avenger gives his own opinon as he steps back from the Kree, the daggers kicked away as his arms fold across his armored chest.

"JARVIS?"

"Sir?"

"If she so much as twitches use my version knock out formula that T'Challa sent. I mean if it can slow down Hulk it can likely stop her."

Then a glances towards Valkyrie. "She's right though, does seem like you're enjoying the show."

*

"Iron? That seems like a strange metal to name yourself after. It's not particularly strong," says Valkyrie around a bite of treat. The blob burbles for another and she tosses a few more into the ooze.

Furiosa just kneels there in impotent rage, glaring daggers between them both.

Valkyrie shifts as she notices the ooze trying to move up her leg towards the containment vessel. "Oi! That's it, no more sweets for you." She balls up the bag and shives it away. The blob burbles in irritation. "I suppose I was. It's not often someone steps in to do my job for me."

*

"Yeah well, they shouldn't have stolen my van. I get a little irate when that happens as he flexes one metalic gauntlet and takes a step back from the Kree." A smirk again from Stark. "Adamantine Man and Titanium Man were taken, besides Iron Man is a good song." He adds with a slight nod to himself.

"So, what /is/ an Asgardian doing running down intergalactic crimanals? Since I'm going to assume that is what you two are." A glance at the blob and the angry Kree.

"No offence."

*

Furiosa just glares at Tony and spits at his foot again. Some things are an insult in any galaxy. The blob? Well, hard to tell if he's offended. He does undulate a bit.

"Had a little ship trouble. Just trying to round up my strays so I can get out of your hair."

She walks over and presses a device against the Kree's neck. She hisses and nearly lashes out, but Valkyrie shakes the remote. She doesn't even have to fire it for the other woman's shoulders to slump in defeat.

*

"Oh…so you crashed a starship here?" Tony Stark is really bad at sounding casual. Super bad at it. So he doesn't even play around with it really. Instead? She might can hear his grin. "Well…if you need help getting it up and running again, I am just about the best in the business on engineering work on this planet."

Yeah. He also pretty much toots his own horn every chance he gets.

The disk though? That gets a look, a quirked eyebrow. "Shock system of some kind? Security I'm guessing?"

*

"I've already got an engineer, but thanks," says Valkyrie. She motions for the Kree to stand. She looks from the van to the Kree, then nods to Tony. "Apologize for stealing his vehicle."

Furiosa makes a deep throated growl, like an angry cat.

Valkyrie waggles the remote.

The Kree mutters, "Apologies," without looking up.

*

"Accepted," Stark drawls slowly towards the Kree. "…one request? Don't leave those disk things lying around. Got enough trouble getting around the ones they are already developing here to need more of them…"

A longer pause though. Lets see. He /really/ wants to see her ship. But man she's being closed lipped about it. But she's Asgardian. Lets see…what do Asgardian's in general like…he's gotta try /something/…

"…ah," He finally drawls. "But does your engineer come with a full bar?"

*

The Kree starts to chuckle when Tony makes his offer, "Now you're speaking her language."

Valkyrie just glares, but her interest has been piqued. She then shakes her head. "Your weak libations do very little." Then, she eyes him. Hmmm. "What I am in need of is a secure place to put my prisoners that is not in the hands of your government. Somewhere I can collect them from when my ship is repaired."

*

"Ah but they do something!" Stark replies with a grin. "And I think I might have some Asgardian mead around somewhere still from the last time one of them dropped by." A smirk. "And if I can't, I'm Tony Stark. If I can't mix up something that can kill a human and get you slightly blitzed? Then I'm not doing my job. As for the rest? We can talk about it…over drinks."

A smirk at that.

Oh he is going to regret this.

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