Creative Use of Pizza

January 24, 2018:

Hulk goes to Stark Tower in search of something to smash, finds something to eat instead.


NPCs: None.



Mood Music: [*\# None.]

Fade In…

There's word of a massive green monster mutant loose in the city. A few cars didn't get out of the way ("I'm walkin here!") and were flung upended into some store fronts. But that was a little while ago. It is, of course, the Hulk, to those that recognize it. He's AS easy to recognize in particular at the moment because he's traveling: which means "there's a scary green man leaping across rooftops and leaving big dents in things." That he's wading directly into where a multitude of problems have been happening (the zone around Stark tower) is just another drop in the bucket of issues, of course.

If somebody is on top of things or thinks of it, the tracker that Pepper and JARVIS are aware of is, indeed, still in those incredible purple pants. So where exactly Hulk is? Well, to a few people that's not a mystery. In fact, if JARVIS or another system is up to it, they may really want to warn that the Hulk is barreling straight for the tower.

It'll probably be fine.


Power might have just been restored, but there is still much work to be done. Spoiler had been indoors the past few days when she was here in the tower, having been using a ground based black motorcycle instead of her usual flying one, but the skycycle is back, repaired and ready to go. It means that far far sooner than she has any right, Spoiler is out on patrol, surveying damage and sending repair triage reports back to the Tower.

She spots the HUlk with ease.

And cross-references her phone to make sure he is who she thinks he is before making her ways over.

"Spoiler to Tower, I've got Hulk incoming. I'm moving to intercept," she says into her coms, switched to Avengers channels as she flies over, growing more and more concerned for the speed at which he is moving. As she nears, she starts trying to sort out waht in her kits could possibly slow the Hulk.

Just in case it isn't completely fine.


Stark Tower and the city of New York are nothing if not resilient. Last week there was chaos and madness. This week there is reconstruction. Well. As much as there can be in a blizzard. The biting cold and freezing winds make any work outside even more hazardous than normal.

But after the days Stark Tower has had? There is plenty to do inside.

SHIELD still maintains a presence. The Avengers still send people, since Tony Stark has been told on no uncertain terms to stay in bed. Recover. StarkTech is amazing, but it can't fix broken bones in only a matter of days.

So he's lying in bed, drooling slightly on his pillow when an alarm goes off next to said bed. Which is when he sits bolt upright. Catches himself in the covers and flops right off said bed. Thankfully he's dressed(due to his habit of sneaking out at night).

"I'm up!" He cries followed a heartbeat later by a groan as his battered conciousness catches up to everything else. "…god I don't want to be. SIRIN what is it?"

"Er…its the tracker on Mister Banner, its…headed this way." SIRIN's always peppy voice calls out as Stark picks himself up off the floor. With a frizzt of static that peppy voice shifts into its more sardonic mode. "Very fast. I bet he still can't fit in the door."

"…can't I just go back to sleep?" He asks no one in perticular as he shakes himself off. Fitting his leg quickly in the techy leg brace he put together to make sure his bones knit right. "SIRIN do I have any suits left?"

"ER…define 'suit', sir!"

"I'll take that as a no. Inform SHIELD and try to get people out of his way…" A pause. "And give me a trajectery. WHERE on the building is he heading for…"

He's going for the door when he hears Spoiler and winces. "Spoiler? Don't…poke him with anything to make him more mad." A beatpause. "Does he look 'I'm going to punch you angry' or 'I'm going to eat your face and rip your head off angry?'"

…cause its Hulk. He's always angry.


Hulk is just traveling, until he steps in a skylight and crashes down into that building as if he were captain America. He sorts himself out though, and shoves out a row of office windows and looks down, reorienting. It's very nice that Stark Tower is so nice and obvious.

He does not appear to be aware (or if he is, does not react to) Spoiler or anyone else that's keeping tabs on him currently. He isn't roaring or being noisy. Just single-mindedly going someplace. He doesn't stand there and think over things, he's suddenly leaping again, rebounding off the side of the poor apartment building that happened to be there, and lunges across a busy street. He does land, just to leap again, leaving a small crater from the force of impact and leap. Considering how efficient his mode of travel is, he'll be on the building in under a minute since he was first noticed. Impossible to tell what floor he'll aim for, but a good bet is 'somewhere in the middle'.


"He looks very-" Skylight goes smash. Another leap. Time is running out.

"-determined to get to Stark Tower," Spoiler gets out in a rush, moving to get into Hulk's line of sight, using her bike's flight to keep pace.

"Hulk? Think you can slow down for me, please?" and not SMASH my face? "So we can.. talk?"

She keeps her coms open. Maybe Tony can offer something usual? It's a big stretch that.


'Somewhere in the middle' is better than nothing.

"Evacute floors twenty to eighty. Lock out lethal defenses on those floor." Because those will just piss him off. "Route the anti-god gas to those floors but don't disperse yet. That at least made him sit down for a bit." Stark snaps off orders to his two AIs, with JARVIS still sick and locked out. He relies on SIRIN and the security version of FRIDAY he has.

The other half of FRIDAY being with Pepper.

"Determined is better than yelling about smashing. I'll take determined."


If Spoiler doesn't get out of his direct path, Hulk will go through her. He does look at her, she'll see his dark eyes slide to her, but he doesn't reach out to slam or pummel her either. Maybe he didn't hear her, or consider her a threat worth swatting. Or maybe he's just not a big conversationalist. Some people like to do their commute in silence, after all.

Hulk is getting to the building, though he hasn't really ramped up to any explosive level, and Spoiler's tentative ask won't cause that either. But that will mean that there will be a brand new Hulk-size hole in floor 16 in a swift matter of time as he indiscriminately lands there, where the arc of a leap happened to be. He lands and snorts glass out of his nose, brushing one hand heavily down across his face and shoulder with a loud grunt, glaring around, to see where he ended up.


"Will you also take a hole in your tower?" Spoiler asks Tony after darting out of Hulk's way when he didn't stop and she hovers to watch the not-so-jolly green giant Koolaid Man into Tony's home. Making sure Hulk doesn't seem to be immediately going anywhere else, Spoiler flies tot he hole, sets her bike to hover-wait, and then hops off and onto the floor just inside the building. A gloved hand tugs down the Nightmare Before Christmas scarf covering the lower part of her face.

"If you have pants on, would you also pull on a coat and come in to see about… I don't know… translating? I don't think he wants to talk to me," Spoiler says to her coms again, eyes on Hulk, HUD giving all sorts of reading that amount to: You are squishy and taste good with ketchup, do not engage.

Spoiler isn't known to always heed her HUD's read outs.


"Rather have a hole in my tower than any other building knocked down. I'm renovating anyway." There is a wince as he impacts the 16th floor.

"Four off, so I'm having a bad day." Stark mumbles as he starts up to the elevator. At least the thing is fast and quiet. The whirr of his leg brace is the only noise he tries to make as he steps off that elevator, a tiny little round camera drone following at his shoulder.

The 16th floor is mostly offices. Large open meeting room, one of which is now missing its meeting table since Hulk just sent it ass over teakettle though the far wall when he landed. Outside that hole and the rubble of the poor desk there are cubicles. Empty with all the mess most people have been working from off site.

"Sooooo," Tony asys as he steps off that elevator. "I'll try to translate. But how are you doing Big Guy?"


"Not here talk," Hulk actually answers Spoiler this time. He was selecting not to answer her before, but it wasn't that he didn't hear her. And he heard her now, since she landed RIGHT there, he didn't go in too much further past the table yet. He looks down over his shoulder at her. But Tony has come before Hulk can get much further.

"Smash evil robots," Hulk declares, which … actually rather explains everything, in a very succinct and brief little way. He came to smash more robots. Simple goal. And begins to walk into the first of the cubes, and push the wall down, to domino a row of them. There's some agitation with the result of that: being that there's no real result.

Hulk is always angry, but it isn't like the breed of it is hidden. This is a sort of 'angry at the world, cowboy walking into bar to pick a fight' angry resentment. Non-targeted. Which could be good and bad, depending on handling.


Whoa. He talked to me.

The cowl hides the way Stephanie's eyes widen.

Staying mostly near the opening in the building, Spoiler watches Hulk move about, glad Tony has arrived. She looks to the billionaire, then back to Hulk.

"I don't think there are any more evil robots left to smash. We're on clean up now," she offers, looking to Tony again.


"Well buddy," Tony reaches back to scratch the back of his neck a moment. Looking slightly awkward. "You kinda smashed all the ones I made that turned evil. In fact you pretty much smashed all of them all, like Spoiler there said. You met Spoiler yet? She has good taste in scarfs."

Look when confronted by the odd Tony babbles. Its a natural defense mechanism. "I mean I can make more robots, but it'll take me a bit of time."


No more evil robots left to smash? That was not the answer that Hulk wanted. The reaction is similar to a petulant child, told that he can't watch his favorite shows. He swats an office chair in anger, and it goes FLYING - out the hole he'd made before when he landed, but it wasn't aimed at Spoiler. He could have aimed it; he didn't. It MIGHT hit her hoverbike, though. And the small look at her screams that he did that deliberately. Just expressing his anger. He doesn't disbelieve her, though, so there's that.

Hulk roots around in the cubicles without interest, a low key aimless thing. It's like he doesn't know what to do with himself. Normally at this point Bruce has come back. Something's wrong.

"Tony too slow," Hulk observes of the whole situation of robots.


Spoiler smiles at Hulk when she's mentioned, and she brings a hand up to finger wiggle only to squeak and hop back as a chair comes flying in her diretion. It hits the bike and she gasps, stepping over to make sure it's okay. It is, but she just got it back!! Frowning lightly, Spoiler turns back to Hulk, arms folding over her chest.

"Evil robots are a bad thing, Hulk. And so is throwing chairs at people's bikes. Throwing things in gneral unless you're in a fight is generally frowned upon," Spoiler retorts.


"SIRIN," Tony pulls a pair of glasses out of his coat as he whispers to his AI. Slippinng the smart glasses on so he can get more information. "Gimme a quiet scan of our big friend. Something is up."

He starts going though recent reports on Hulk too, just to see if there is something he's missing.

"Spoiler, be nice." He cautions towards the young woman. "He really likes fighting if you haven't guessed…" Then a pause. A calculated look towards Spoiler.

And a sigh.

"Chair tag," He mutters over the coms towards her. "If you think you can dodge em, play chair tag with him. Try to keep him busy and get him a little tired…"

A deep breath before he looks back towards Hulk. "Yeah, I'm slow this time. Kinda got my stuff blown up by an evil robot army and then this Banana Flash guy came by and threatened to I don't know. Blow things up. Before you go running after him though, no idea where he ran off to. He's fast." A pause. "Like Flash fast. Quicksilver fast. You know really annoying fast."


"Fight, then throw chair. So, fight," Hulk agrees with Spoiler. Grins at her in a dark way that should, well, really terrify most anybody. It's not as bad as an angry fight, but having Hulk full focus on you is usually not going to be a healthy thing. Tony can attest to that. And without even pausing or orienting, the CPU from the cubicle gets thrown at Spoiler. It's too small in his opinion, he looks for a larger object, and hurls the cube's wall. Then a filing cabinet, in a sort of pleasure. These items are zero effort on his end. He IS aiming, though, and he's damn strong, so these things are hurtling at her.

"Fast is annoying," Hulk growls, angry about fast things that Tony brings up. "Hit them anyway," Hulk adds, stopping the hurling of objects, and claps his hands together once in a low-key demonstration. He doesn't put much force into it (…for him), but sends all of the objects in the cubicle he's in flying with the concussive wave, and most likely will send the bike back a few feet to teeter in danger of falling.


As for the scan, and reports. The information is that Hulk has been seen off and on for several days. SHIELD had tried to get him to a safehouse, and the report is he reverted briefly, but something happened, and there's just … solid hulk reports. Mostly just various structure damage, street sightings.


"Wait. What?" is all Spoiler has time for in response to Tony's request that she 'keep Hulk busy'. And then computer, wall, filing cabinet.

"This isn't funny!" Spoiler squeaks into her com as she dodges thing after thing. She can feel her sides starting to complain, but she continues on anyway, knowing that while HUlk seems to not be trying, she is just a girl in a batsuit and so getting hit by aything while ribs are still mending would hurt. And possibly end her with a lecture in the Batcave…. after Tony was done with lecturing her for NOT reporting into Avengers computer that she was hurt.

Shocker batarang in hand, Spoiler reels from the shockwave and her bike's motors whine in protest to keep itself hovering in place just outside the hole in the wall.

Staggered but still 'putting up a fight', Spoiler throws her own small thing back, aiming for a knee and hoping theres just enough shock to feel like a poke poke and keep Hulk interested enough for Tony. And then Spoiler's moving to get to dodging again, eyes watching for signs he is going to do that clap-boom thing again. That? That hurt.


Oh yeah. There would defintally be a lecture about not leaving injuries out of reports. Since as soon as she starts dodging Stark relises that she's not quite as fast as usual.

"You could have said you were hurt!" He hisses into the coms as he pushes himself closer, obviously limping from that leg and his other various injuries. Information is displayed and colated with that lightning fast rate that is the only speed Tony knows.

Low blood sugar? Now he's finding out he did turn back and then…reverted? Oh this is likely bad. It means something is up with /Banner/ and he doesn't want to come out.


"So Big Green, how long has it been since you had a sna" And he sees Hulk's hand prepare to clap. "ah hell."

As office supplies to flying everywhere Tony gets smacked in quick succession by a bucket of paperclips, a memo pad, and a stapler before he just falls down.

"Food!" He just remains lying down for the moment. "How long has it been since you had food, big guy?"


The shock batarang nails a knee, and Hulk orients on the bee-sting. He isn't in a massive angry mode (…there are many levels of strength and resilience, depending on current anger), so yes, he felt her little bee. He glowers at her and looks down at it. And then promptly stomps the /hell/ out of it. About eight stomps on the little batarang. "Throw good, ..for tiny," Hulk says, in a growl. Moody now, (well, more), Hulk stops smiling and starts to walk through the cubical mess he's made, picking up the bigger objects: a long meeting table. Then a massive printer. And starting to walk back, dragging the table and hefting the big printer, with doom in his eyes and a small smile. She's invited this, from his perspective.

Hulk looked at Tony for the question, but there's no comprehension about it there. As if Tony asked him when he last had a book club meeting. Never? He doesn't throw the items yet, he's trying to parse the question; Spoiler gets a brief reprieve.


"Don't poke him just dodge!" Tony hisses over the coms. Oh god Batman will lecture him if Spoiler gets pasted.


"This is usually a low-impact gig," Spoiler hisses back as she gets up to her feet and pulls out her bo staff from the small of her back. Incase something small enough to bat out of the way goes and she's not set to dodge. God her sides hurt right now. No poke, just dodge.

"I am going to remember this, and I'm going to get you back for it," she informed Tony softly, voice tense and tight, body waiting for Hulk to continue playing knock-down-the-batling. No, there is no fluffy unicorn to win.


"Hulk is never a low impact gig." Tony replies as he ruffles his hair and slowly sits up. "And get me back for what? You said throwing chairs was a fight. Fights are fun for him!" However he watches Hulk pause and nods as he clambers back to his feet.

"Yeah, big guy. Eating. Food. You ever had pizza? Everyone loves pizza. I can get Spoiler there to go get some pizza right now if you want. You can throw things round this floor, get some pizza, maybe some beer. See what you think of it. I'll even make some bots to send down here for you to smash…"


Hulk considers these things. These could be things he likes. And in the right situations he can wait for a fun fight. "Hulk not wait long," Hulk informs them. It is a giant warning. But he heaves down the printer. It falls over and spews paper all over the floor as it flips open on the side. He tosses the table a few feet to his left and sits down next to it. And stares at them. Clock is ticking.


"I'm still blaming you," Spoiler quips at Tony, easing her stance as Hulk 'backs down'. Her staff gets put away and when Hulk agrees to waiting for pizza, Spoiler turns and heads for her waiting skycycle. A hop and she's off, using voice commands to her phone to get her to the nearest Little Caesars. She carries cash for sitatuions like this: food and drink runs while in uniform.

Using her cape to keep the four she purchased wrapped and warm, Spoiler heads back when she's got the foodstuff secured, leaning forward over the food. She fights the cold, but doesn't dare to move to omuch slower. Time is ticking after all!

Back less than ten minutes after she left, Spoiler returns with pizza, giving Hulk three and giving one to Tony so she and he can share it. Not it on the beer!


Meanwhile? Tony is franticly retasking some security drones. Little camera flyers that are sent up to offer Hulk some targets to keep him entertained. Targets that aren't near Stark and Spoiler's entry point. They are good at dodging, but not perfect. Get hit enough should Hulk want to fling things at them to at least keep him entertained.

And he gets a pair of beer kegs sent up. NON PRESSUREISED KEGS. Cause that is the last thing he needs.

When the pizza returns? He'll grin towards the Big Green. "Alright. You try this, if you don't like it we'll try something else. And…I'll get some more drones you can smash. Ok?" A pause.

"SIRIN. I think we are gonna need a Hulk floor."

"Pepper is going to be concerned, sir!" The AI replies in his ear. Fpzzzit. "Couch city for you."


Since Hulk is actually extremely hungry, the food ruse works beautifully. He accepts the gifts, and eats all three. He does understand pizza, apparently, though he mashes multiple pieces together to eat them. Afterwards he mostly ignores them and wanders into a cube, and /actually naps there/, if left alone. Tony has some time to make drones and decide what to do.

Although: ..If Hulk is actually still present during a /nap/, the anger is ruling, still, even if the source of it is not clear, but the root must go pretty deep. Or Bruce isn't fighting.

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