Where Oh Where Has My Little Chair Gone?

November 25, 2017:

The continuation of The Saga of The Missing Chair: The American Captain goes to search for what he knows is his, but will he be able to get his beloved chair back from the heathen paws of Rocket and his ol' pal Groot? Stay Tuned!

The Triskelion - New York City

Characters

NPCs: None.

Mentions:

Plot:

Mood Music: [*\# None.]


Fade In…

The lights in the hangar are off in a rather peculiar sort of array. There's a just a large patch of darkness about an area of quinjets whereas the rest of the lights in the place seem to be functioning normally. It's not too hard to figure out why, if one were to be so curious as to investigate. There's a rather bright rectangle of colored light sitting in the darkness, which upon closer inspection would reveal to be showing movement, a large reptilian form, and then a cut to some people in an SUV… There's sound to accompany it, an echoing roar that's probably only muted for the distance at which the speakers are set in that one viewing area.

And it's definitely a viewing area, as can be told by the large, bright yellow couch propped in front of the screen, occupied by two very inhuman looking figures, the silhouette of one all sorts of unusual angles and points and the other…barely visible for how short they are in comparison.

"AHAHAHA idiot!! Like a toilet'll save you from that!" comes the bark of laughter from a familiar voice, slightly muffled at the end of his words as though someone's crammed a handful of buttered popcorn into his mouth.

*

A lower, gruffer belly laugh comes from the taller figure next to the smaller one, dark eyes fixed onto the screen like it will run away from them the second they don't keep watch. He doesn't mind being pelted by some of the stray bits of popcorn flying about, harmlessly bouncing off of him and sometimes back into the extra-large bowl settled between the two.

And he really doesn't mind it. Some of those strays make their way into the next handful he grabs, dutifully stuffed into the wooden maw without hesitation.

"I am Groot!" crows the tree, just as baffled by the fact that someone would run out of the SUV equipped with good stuff.

*

NOVEMBER 15, 8 AM.

Captain America walks into his office. The Star Spangled Man with a Plan moves to work on some e-mails (meaning attempt to work on some e-mails before calling his secretary to have her send them out), make some calls (he can actually do that on his own), and perhaps attempt to get a date with the elusive woman of his dreams (she's busy, it won't happen). But when he gets there, there is something missing. His chair is yet again stolen.

"ROMANOFF!!!!" Steve cries out to the heavens. Moving toward her office, Steve finds that she is gone. He looks around toward another SHIELD agent. "I don't think she has it, never even saw her with it after you and that Raccoon were talking about it."

"Rocket?"

"But you should wait, Captain, might have just been something where it was on loan to a museum or something."

Steve, not wanting to seem as if idolatry of a chair is coming before his spiritual upbringing or his responsibilities to a nation, lets it go for a time, hoping that it will sort itself out.

NOVEMBER 22, 3 PM.

"Here is that report you asked for, paper copy because well, you know," the agent replies as he offers it to Steve Rogers. The chair wobbles slightly and squeaks. "You should really get a decent chair. Just put in a work order or-"

"This chair is fine," Steve replies, moving to take the report, a couple of squeaks sounding as he moves back down. "Thank you, Agent Branson."

As Steve looks at the report, he leans back to horrid squeaking. Any movement he makes is made known as he shifts and tries to read the report, but the concert of odd metal finally forces him to get up and read the report somewhere else.

NOVEMBER 24, 8 PM.

"It's the chair? It's not interference, it's the chair," Rogers replies, finally getting up and letting the accursed thing be in the corner of his office space before he speaks. "There? That better? ?No, I don't need a new chair this is fine." There is a long pause as Steve's brow ticks slightly. "It's fine."

NOW.

The sound of combat boots can be heard hitting the floor. They walk with purpose, they walk with a righteous cause. THEY DO NOT SQUEAK. Whoever it is, they walk toward a familiar couch where a famed pair sit.

Finally, when the voice speaks, it's clear who it is. It is a man missing a chair.

"Where is it?" the stern voice requests.

*

It's a voice belonging to a person who definitely isn't in the movie. There would probably be a lot of objections from a Very American standpoint if he was. And the dinosaurs would have likely gone free a lot faster. …or maybe Rocket just has very different ideas in his head when it comes to Captain Frikkin' America.

The approaching sound of footsteps is only noticed after Steve gets within the darkened area of the hangar, the small Guardian's ears twitching at the sound that doesn't seem to be coming from dinosaur nor panicking Terrans on-screen. He glances up at Groot but it's obviously not coming from the tree either. And then the voice speaks, and Rocket tenses just a little. He promptly relaxes as he reaches over to shovel another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"…oh, heya Rogers," he says around crunching popcorn. "Nice'ta see you too. Were you wantin' in on movie night? I guess we could skootch over a little for your patriotic hiney."

*

If Groot spoke more than the usual three words he's been using forever, that would make for a totally different scenario. A very weird one.

Fortunately, this isn't the case: Groot is still as he is, crunching away on the popcorn slipping between his fingers, trailing off into who-knows-where in the darkness. He'll probably find some later in the couch cushions and call it a snack. And just as he reaches into the bowl for another fistful, that's when the dialog and the scene doesn't match up.

'Where is it?' Where is what???

The delay in the bipedal tree's reaction begins with blinking. Two quick blinks, followed by the slight tilt of his head. Groot leans back a bit, finally shifting his attention to where Rocket greets a patient yet simmering Captain Steve Rogers, curious as to what is going on now that dinosaurs aren't involved in any way. "I am Groot?"

Or are they? Who knows. Terrans have hi-tech equipment to make dinosaurs, right? It's not just in the movies??

*

As the offers is made and Groot offers usual three words, Rogers hrms and nods. "That sounds like a great idea, Rocket" the man replies almost too cheerfully, the dim lights revealing that he is not dressed in his Captain America clothing, but the white t-shirt and brown leather jacket that make him look like he's a everyman sort of look. Well, maybe it's everyday man if every man in America was super ripped. The bright winning smile that Steve wears is a little odd in contrast to the tension one might almost feel in this room.

"All we need to do is find my chair and I'll join you guys. I haven't even seen this movie yet."

Steve squints at it to try and recall what it's supposed to be. "This is the Skull Island movie with King Kong right?"

The name of the movie is on the side of the SUV and he still can't get it right.

*

Rocket helps himself to another bit of popcorn before pausing to point at Groot accusingly. "Tha if gwof an' ou know if!" he says, popcorn crumbs raining with each word. Because that isn't totally gross in itself.

Thankfully he swallows it down as he turns to finally look at good ol' Stevie. He squints at the guy as he in turn squints at the movie. "Aw nah, ain't no apes in this one. But we got the monkey movie too. Groot says it's scary."

Reaching over, Rocket picks up another bit of popcorn, flicking it towards his mouth. "Yer chair, huh? That sweet wheely deal that the redhead borrowed the other time?" Really, there was like, an officeful of witnesses. There's seriously no way that it couldn't have been linked to these two. Still, Rocket's playing it off.

*

These two are like a pair of animals. Except one of them is a tree. Which makes this point moot. Still, Groot doesn't take offense to the accusation from his raccoon friend or of the crumbs that may or may not be sticking onto his wooden person. Because ew. "I am Groot," he replies innocently - or at least as innocently as he can muster since he is picking popcorn out of the couch.

But he nods, glancing back over at Steve with a grin. "I am Groot!" he chimes in, like he's giving the Kong movie a seal of approval.

Now that he's on the right track, the whole chair aspect is making more sense within the context of the conversation. Groot just chuckles, remembering those sweet chair antics on the way out of the building. "I am Groot…"

*

A long pause is given as Steve's blue eyes go from raccoon to tree and back again. It's clear from his confused expression that it's difficult for him to get a read on these two, mostly because well, they aren't human. "Yes, that chair," he replies simply, folding his arms as he awaits the response calmly.

*

Nodding in a matter-of-fact manner, Rocket lounges with his arms over the couch back as he continues to look casually up at Steve. The expression on the man's face is nothing unusual, commonplace, really, as the Guardians have seen it plenty of times. It suits Rocket's purposes just fine.

"Yeah, nice chair, that," he nods.

*

Nothing wrong with a grin or a smile, right? Because Groot has nothing to hide. Despite his non-humanoid features, he's like an open book. But he also nods, sage-like in all manner. "I am Groot."

*

The moments pass. The answer comes and oddly Captain America has to process it, as if taking it as if given some unpleasant truth to swallow. "That it is" he finally concedes.

More time passes, with the tapping of his foot still showing that Steve's present and waiting. Finally, with the movie either pause or still going, Rogers speaks up again. "Again, where is the chair?"

*

Oh, it's still going. The death toll has definitely gone up, and the dinosaurs so far have been winning. But Rocket figured that much was a given. Silly Terrans. It wouldn't have been such a big problem if they had some decent guns.

Rocket glances back at the movie to watch for a while, apparently bored since Captain America goes quiet for some time. He only looks back to see if the guy's gone away, but the foot tapping makes it evident that he hasn't. When Rocket looks up again with a sort of 'oh, you still here?' kinda expression, Steve Rogers makes his inquiry again. Brown-red eyes blink.

"Oh, it's not here. I mean, if it were, then I'd be sittin' on it. Because you know, that's what you do with chairs."

*

This counts as all three of them hanging out and watching a movie in a way. Groot likes the extra company, but he also doesn't realize the lull set after their initial agreement on how nicely crafted the Star Spangled Chair is. Of course, being the taller of the two on the couch, Groot's short attention span is more noticeable, head turning halfway to catch the next scene.

" -Gruh?" His jaw, once slack, works itself when Rogers repeats the question. Right. The chair. The chair that belongs to Captain America. Absently scratching the side of his face, he finally shrugs, deferring to Rocket's answer.

*

Captain America gives a long sigh.

Hands rest on the end of the couch as Steve takes in a deep breath as if summoning the strength to preserve from the very OXYGEN OF AMERICA. He mutters something under his breath. "?Love is patient, love is kind. Love is patient, love is kind." Using his micro-bible verse peptalk, Cap tries this again.

"I know you have my chair." The National Hero lowers his head and whispers lower, somehow is menacing despite his friendly tone. "I know."

Slowly, he lifts back up. "I know you guys like the chair. That's understandable, I like the chair. I hope you've enjoyed it. And now I'd like it back." A moment goes on before Steve tries to counter something that hasn't yet been said. "I understand you are watching a movie, so we can walk the movie. Then we can go and find the chair. I'm sure we can do that, right?"

And while Cap might not be an expert on the Guardians of the Galaxy, he is pretty good at getting a basic grasp on people when interacting with them. So he knows how to make this even more successful. Turning to Groot, he says with a sickeningly sweet tone, "Maybe we could get ice cream after we get the chair. Or shawarma. I do know the best place in New York, you know."

*

"Well of course you know we have the chair," Rocket says. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here. And I'd frankly be worried if you didn't know seein' as we made off with it in broad daylight. That's right! We gave that chair a fightin' chance and no one came to its rescue." He pauses, grinning. "Buuut I guess maybe they were just waitin' for a hero to come along."

He settles back against the couch to face the screen, folding his skinny arms behind his head as he drapes one leg over the other. With his feet on the couch. Not that his feet can go anywhere else given he's so small.

"That's nice though. You want it back. See, the last time you wanted it back it wasn't very convincing an' you needed your pal Buckster to help with that. I can understand, seein' as how that hottie was the one who took it from you in the first place. -the redhead, not Vader."

He waves a hand, either in invitation or to wave off the whole matter. The answer's probably both.

"Yer more than welcome to watch the rest of the movie with us, Cap'n. And if you wanna treat us to dinner and dessert after, well then, ain't you so generous, as is befitting of a man of your stature and reputation." He reaches over to snag another handful of popcorn. "But I told you, back that day. Ain't my fault you didn't take it to heart." He stuffs the popcorn into his mouth, munching loudly before he continues, thankfully without a shower of crumbs.

"If you want that chair back? You're gonna have to steal it back, yourself."

*

There's a low 'ooh' that comes from the taller half of the alien pair, interest piqued when the words 'ice cream' and 'shawarma' are dropped. Either the Captain is very good at using his American Power of Persuasion, or Groot is becoming a sucker for all the foods Terra has to offer.

"I am Groot," he beams, definitely stuck on the idea of getting treated to a full meal after eating almost all of the popcorn. But it appears Rocket has set down the rules of engagement. A slight look of disappointment briefly crosses his face, but he can't help but be a little intrigued by the thought of Captain America stealing.

"I am Groot?" To emphasize the shock necessary, he gasps softly, hand covering his mouth. "I am Groot."

*

It seems Rocket has his own misguided morals in his struggle which seem to have made acquiring this chair more difficult. Now, Cap is extremely conflicted. On one hand, it's just a chair. To spend a lot of effort on it is unbecoming of a national hero and role model to millions. On the other, STEALING IS WRONG and Rocket should not be allowed to continue on with his chair. He can't even gracefully give them the chair because he has the sense that it would just encourage Rocket to steal everything of Cap's that he possibly could.

No, for better or worse, this has become Captain America's hill when it comes to the Guardians. He has no idea WHY, but it's his hill just the same.

"That's tragic, Rocket, because the offer is for people who are my friends and friends don't steal chairs. But if someone brought it back, I would be willing to take you both out." With that, Cap slowly rises, stepping back. "I won't be stealing, but I'll be getting that chair back. That you can count on," Rogers states before he walks backwards. His blue eyes remain on the pair even as he walks back into the shadows of the hanger. What does this mean? Only time will tell.

*

Groot gets a toothy grin. Yeah he did. And then Captain America deliberates, and Rocket waits and listens, his tail twitching back and forth.

"Oh, boohoo," he says, clasping a hand to his chest. "No ice cream and shwa…smar….whatever that is, with Captain America!" he mock sobs. And then he stops and jumps back on the couch backing. "HEY! Is the redhead a friend?! Because she totally stole your chair first." He folds his arms, falling back onto the couch proper to view the movie now upside-down.

"Obviously someone doesn't want his chair back that badly. See, that is why it was taken from you so easily in the first place! Am I right, or am I right?" he asks Groot-wards.

*

So there isn't any stealing happening any time soon? And no ice cream and shawarma? MORE DISAPPOINTMENT.

For some reason, Groot may have mistaken Steve's final words as a misheard lyric from one of those musicals he watched some time ago. It has nothing to do with the chair, however, so this just focuses on the final seconds of Steve's purposeful exit. He almost feels like applauding.

The tree takes a moment to think before glancing back downward at Rocket. "I am Groot," he agrees, brow lifting a bit during a short pause. "I am Groot."

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