Help Me, Toby Wan Kenobi

August 30, 2017:

Jessica Jones calls Tony Stark so she can ask him to go to Tamoachan on Azalea Kingston's behalf.

//New York/Wakanda //

Characters

NPCs: None.

Mentions: John Constantine, Zatanna Zatara, Azalea Kingston

Mood Music: [*\# None.]


Fade In…

It's well after midnight Wakandan time when Jessica Jones picks up the phone to call Tony Stark. Which means it's really only approaching 7 PM New York City local time. She is back at her little B&B room in Birnan S'Yan by now, though soon she will make the trek to the Learned City, Birnin Azzaria, in pursuit of a lead on a case that is taking one determined investigation team back and forth across an entire nation, delving into a conspiracy that makes no sense, but seems to include Hydra terrorists, colorfully named gangland bullyboys with political motives, and possible insurgents within Wakandan Intelligence Services itself.

It's a frustrating, difficult uphill battle that is happening on a tight timeline, a hard stop deadline that ends with a man's life should they be unsuccessful. It is probably for the best that the whole Decimux matter seems to still be at a point where Jessica can't really offer much help.

She's not calling about that tonight anyway.

She paces the little room. The window is wide open to the night air, pleasantly warm with the sun down but not overly so. There's a cigarette in her mouth, as there often is when she stops for a moment of late, not exactly chain smoking but certainly stress smoking.

Riiiiiiiiiiing.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

It takes more than a few tones before there is a click of an answer on the other end. Of course the first thing that Jess might hear isn't the dulcet tones of the best inventor in the WORLD. Its the whoooooooosh or something involving compressed air. Then something whirring. Then more wooshing.

Then finally Tony's voice.

"Well!" He sounds cheerful enough. "At least it didn't explode."

On the other side of the world, in the labs of Stark Industries the inveterate builder is happily in his labs. Building…well…its hard to tell what it is at this point. Likely something new for his suit.

What is fairly easy to say though is that its flamable.

And that he has no idea that JARVIS answered the phone for him.

"Right! So! Flame projector and flame defense systems test. Iteration thirty. Take two…."

There is a very english sounds clearing of the throat.

"…eh, what is it JARVIS?" She can almost see in her minds eye as Tony turns away from his building to glace around. "Am I being attacked again? Did someone foil my security /again/."

"No sir," JARVIS' voice is as calm as ever. "Its Miss Jones on the phone, sir."

"Oh. Why didn't you tell me sooner! Put her on speakerphone…or does she still have mine? Can we do the holo-link?"

There is a sigh. "…she is already on speakerphone, sir."

"Really?" A pause from Stark. "…HI JESS!"

'At least it didn't explode.' If anything could sum up Tony Stark's entire everything in one sentance, that would be it.

Jessica listens to all of this chaos, and a fond smile creases her features. She pauses, and puts out the cigarette. "You can hololink me. I don't know how, but I assume you do. I'll just…put the phone down here." It's all very Star Wars, and the moment the link is up she can't help herself.

She pulls a white sheet from the bed and wraps it briefly around her head. "Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."

Look, General-Princess Leia is awesome. Even Jessica freaking Jones can admit that. And Tony just brings out whatever part of her is capable of some manner of levity. And, well. She is making a sort of help me Tony Wan Kenobi call, anyway.

Nevertheless, she drops the act soon enough. Holographically there in living color, she stands in the Starkweave jeans he gave her, and one of the tank tops. A panther tooth necklace around her neck, hair a mess as usual, face not really even made up, but otherwise looking pretty much like she always does. If the hologram captures the furnishing of the room itself it probably becomes immediately clear that she's nowhere near New York. She looks to see if a Tony hologram is going to appear in turn. A cool capability that will make a small world smaller in ways she can appreciate. She's not as homesick as she was on this, her second stint of foreign travel, but every now and then it hits her. Who knew Tony Stark might be the one to assuage some of that?

"Young Obi, I'm no where near enough gray to be old Obi." Tony's responce is prompt as the phone she has begins to swirl and project the visual form of the man from New York City. He's dressed in his usual t-shirt, black but with a little chibi unicorn on it. Said unicorn has a switchblade tapped to his horn. The caption says 'I'LL CUT YOU'.

Who knows where he got that one.

Arms crossed over his chest, smirk on his face. He doesn't look quite as solid as he would if he was standing in the same room with her but…its at least something familiar.

"So! Where are you anyway, because if you needed to talk to me you would have just come by the Tower. So…are you captured? Do I need to blow something up…I have so many new weapons I'd love to test out…"

Jessica smirks faintly. "If I were captured I'd have hit one of your panic buttons," she points out. "I'm in Wakanda. They kidnapped Bucky here because they think he firebombed a conference, and I'm trying to clear his name before they handle that in Wakandan fashion. And no, I can't even so much as take a photo of the tech for you, I'm sorry. I don't even think I can properly buy souvenirs. I get the impression someone programmed a quick 'here, stupid foreigners, you can pay for your cabs, hotels, and food and that's it' app a bit ahead of our arrival, but I haven't figured out how to buy pretty much anything else."

That's not what she called about, and she says, "I'm actually calling about Azalea, if you've got a moment. You don't— " She upchins to the area that is sort of not really behind Tony, as she's upchinning at the wall of her room, but if they were actually standing across from each other that's where she'd be gesturing. "Need to turn off any pressure valves or flip any switches or anything to make sure you don't get blown into itty bitty bits while we're having this conversation, do you?"

You can almost hear the gears screach to a halt inside Tony's head.

"You're in Wakanda."

There is a long pause.

"You can't be in Wakanda. I've applied to visits for the past ten years and you're…in…Wakanda. You can't be in Wakanda. JARVIS where is she?"

"Wakanda, sir."

"How are you in Wakanda and not getting torn to shreads by giant metal panthers or whatever they have for defenses there?!" Give him a second. Tony is having a moment.

"Sir, she was explaining about Mister Barnes…"

"Wait what about Bucky? Did he blow something up again? Is that why Jane was crying that one time?" Stark seems to be pacing. Entirely ignoring any pressure valves or swiches. "I mean how do you get in Wakanda? Can you get me in Wakanda?!"

JARVIS pipes up again. "Sir, I believe the last time you applied for a visit the ambasador wrote back something about Not even if the moon fell from its orbit would a Stark be allowed into Wakanda."

"I hate poetry," Tony grumbles.

"He was speaking in the literal sense, I can pull up the reply if you like."

"No JARVIS I can remember it just fine and yes I…" A stop and he pivots to stare at Jess once again. "…wait whats about Az? She's not going to try to knock over my building again is she?"

Poor Tony.

Believe it or not, there's actually real sympathy on Jessica's face as she watches him kind of implode over the fact that she's the one place he would give his left nut to be in. It hardly seems fair that she's managed to do something that honestly was never on her radar of things to do, and here he's wanted to go all his life only to be told that literally planets could be falling for the sky and they'd never, ever let him in even for a moment. Her answer to all of this is just to let Jarvis and Tony do their back and forth while she stands there with this vaguely apologetic look.

He turns to Az before she has to explain that her own status here is probably something closer to 'watch your ass or get panthered' then to any kind of privilege-level status that could 'get him in.' It's unusual, her status, but not godlike.

"As far as I know, no," she says. "John and Zee have a solution. It involves going into another dimension. Tamaochan, controlled by the goddess Itzpapalotl. I'm not entirely sure what magic shit they'll be doing, but I'm pretty sure at least 90% the plan involves punching said goddess in the face a lot. I can't go. I was hoping maybe you'd be willing and able to. You don't have to restrict yourself to punching her. I'm pretty sure handcannoning her and all her minions is just fine too."

"She's in Wakanda." Tony is easily distracted by the little things. I mean still. He's listening at least. So thats something. "Wakanda. Can you bring me like…a post card or a thimble of vibranium or something when you get back?" The man asks before it sinks in what she's asking.

And he blinks.

Then blinks again.

"Wait, a different dimension? Again? Why does it always have to be a different dimention." He sighs though as he taps his finger against his elbow. "Fine though. Why not. I mean whats a little dimension hopping among friends. If I don't have anything else blowing up the world that day at least." A pause. "Am I going to have to find Snarky McBritishface and Fishnets to doodle cryon drawings on my suit to get it to work in Tamalamadingdong or whatever its called?"

"I'll find you something," Jessica promises, though the idea that she'll be able to find him a thimbleful of vibranium is insane. Sure, she'll just pull a hundred trillion dollars straight out of her ass. She's not even sure they sell the stuff. But…maybe with Rizza's help she can at least find him a nice piece of art, and she can pay Rizza for it and Rizza can use her kimoyo beads. Resolving to get that done first thing in the morning (it's the least she can do, really), she listens to Tony gripe and grumble and tries not to smile at these nicknames.

"Every time I've gone dimension-hopping— "

She pauses. She has to take a moment to evaluate her life, just to stop and appreciate the fact that she's saying things like 'every time I've gone dimension-hopping' like that's a thing people do that's normal. She half-shakes her head and continues her thought.

"We just went and all our stuff worked just fine."

She pauses, and adds, "Anything new on our case?" It's been awhile since she's heard anything at all about the Decimux problem, after all.

"Yeaaaah. Weird when you say it like its just a thing ain't it?" Tony asks with a smirk as he crosses his shakes his head. "Its crazy with the strange and mystical is just next tuesday ain't it?" A beatpause. "This coming from a man that has a suit that can break hypersonic speeds likely is some kind of defintation of irony but I'm not looking it up."

A shake of his head. "Fine though. Tell them I'll come. Just give me a scale of firepower I'll be needing to pack. On a scale of one to Hulkbuster."

Jessica casts a half grin down at the ground as he teases her about dimensional traveling— and doesn't answer the question, which could mean anything from 'too distracted' to 'nope, nothing new, worry about it when you get home anyway, Jones.' She decides it means a little from Column A and a little from Column B, and focuses on giving Tony the information she needs to survive. "Hulkbuster XXL," Jessica says somberly. "She's a goddess. She's powerful, she's crazy. And she'll probably be pretty pissed off, all things considered. And I'll tell them."

She pauses, and smiles. "Try not to give John too much 'anything you can do I can do better' grief, okay? He doesn't have much of a sense of humor when it's time to punch goddesses."

"Eh why would I do that, he might turn me into a newt." Tony replies. "I've heard thats what they do if they don't like you. Just bam. Newt." A longer pause. "I had to look up what a newt was. They are kinda cute really, but making a suit that side would be a pain in my ass. So I'd rather not." The inventor replies with a smirk.

Though there is an odd enegy to him. An almost excitement.

He gets to take the kid gloves off. He gets to play with the big guns.

Oh man. That makes putting up with John worth it.

There are reasons why Jessica was far less apprehensive about the Tony call than she was about any of the other calls on her list tonight. Namely, that she knew, deep down, that this would register as fun to him. She hadn't realized how much fun, but really, she feels a lot less like she's asking an onerous favor and a bit more like she's giving him a trip to Disneyland or something. And that's kind of nice, cause really, most of the times when she calls someone it's with uncomfortable information or something they really need to do just to keep something awful from happening.

"No newt suits," she agrees with a smirk. "Aside from any impacts on your personal charisma, it's probably less effective than the Hulkbuster."

She thinks about thanking him, but he always gets jumpy about that. So instead she says, "Have fun, will you?"

"Whats not going to be fun, traveling to other dimetnions. Blowing up goddesses. I mean…I can add that to the list. Punched a goddess." Tony replies with a wave of his hand. "I mean I /got/ punched by Thor, but I didn't really get to punch him back. This should make up for it…"

The hologram starts to fritz out a little bit.

"Sir, it seems the Wakanda security systems have detected our link…" JARVIS voice cuts it. "We may wish to bring the call to an end."

"Urgh yeah, before they put some virus on this that makes me look like a stupid panther for the next month." Tony grouses. "Anyway, you know where I'll be. I'll try to get hold of them before game-time though. Take care of yourself, Jess. And bring me something back!"

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