Sheet Cake is Disgusting

April 24, 2016:

Avalanche tries to rob a bunch of armored vehicles. It doesn't go well.


NPCs: Avalanche



Mood Music: [*\# None.]

Fade In…

How many styles of cake are there?

There are many styles of cake, to be certain, and Reed Richards is wondering precisely how many he might have to partake in before it satiates both his bride to be and the eccentric cake-maker who is likely to feel very offended if he were to make a remark. Or if he were to go to sleep. Or if he were to simply go away.

Out in front of Reed and Sue is a large buffet table with about 40 different mini cakes set out and Mrs. Dravis is going on and on about the benefits of carrot cakes and the trendiness of forgoing a cake altogether and going with eclairs.

What Reed wouldn't give to just be in his lab. Or at a lecture. Or, heaven forbid, an emergency.

Ask and you shall receive. At that very moment, HERBIE comes over the Baxter Building's loudspeaker.

"Sir, there is a situation four blocks to the east of here. The street is, well, moving."

"Pardon me Mrs. Dravis. HERBIE? I'm not quite following. It's moving?"

"Rolling is more like it."

_ _ _ _ _ _

One a year the Ulysses Erdenmeier bank makes deposits to larger institutions. No one really knows which day because it changes by the year, but someone obviously knew about it this time around.

As an invisible wave ripples through the middle of the road all 6 armored cars catch air and scatter. Not to mention pedestrians and other cars. A group of goons begins to run for the trucks, while a man in a silvery chrome outfit seems to be surveying.

Even Sue is a little overwhelmed by all the choices on the table. "I think Johnny would never forgive me if we went with carrot cake, Mrs. Dravis," she says with a warm smile, eyeing the table like a battlefield as she tries to decide where to start with the tasting. There's a glance to Reed, but she knows this isn't exactly his specialty either. So when the call from H.E.R.B.I.E. comes, there's a moment where relief even flickers across her features.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Dravis. Let's consider this a test of how well the cake will hold up through the ceremony and reception, shall we?" she smiles politely before she takes off after Reed.

Poor Eddie just needed to make a withdrawal. That's all he wanted! He'd been taking a few extra jobs and they'd literally paid off! So he thought to treat himself to a little something extra tonight. Pineapple pizza! Whole thing all to himself! Even so, this was quite an event happening before him. An event to which he'd brought his camera… not that he ever went anywhere without it, but still, he had it at the ready!

He knew this kind of thing was dangerous, but boy, what he wouldn't give to see the look on Jameson's face when he came in with firsthand pictures of… whatever this robbery going on was! Getting into a good vantage point behind a now-slightly-battered stone wall and a bush. Pulling his camera out, Eddie started getting photographs of the men running for the trucks, including the wierd guy in chrome… 'Who are these guys, anyways?'

Miss Moreau, after a rather busy (read: murderous) few days involving several double-crossing mafioso, needs a break. Thus, she's been at a local spa for most of the day. Refreshed, relaxed, and several bullet-torn muscles now free of kinks, the supervillain steps out into the sidewalk and sucks in a lungful of delicious New York air.

It could not possibly be as bad as the smell and taste of Gotham air, after all. Not five seconds later, she nearly drops her cane as the sound of the entire street being ripped up through some invisible wave hits her ears. Her coat flutters dramatically in the wind it creates. Her head tilts, and a piece of road strikes where her forehead was.

"I am beginning to think this city hates me." She says aloud. Sigh.

Then, goons. /Oh/!

"And no one invited me." Moreau sounds utterly saddened by this fact. Still, she doesn't immediately rush in to help. Instead, she finds a convenient alleyway to listen from. One hand is gripped on her cane, the other in her coat. Just in case some of the goons decide a blind woman in an alleyway is a threat. Or there's a sudden business offer. You never know.

For now, she's all ears.

It's an evening in NYC. Julia is out in civilian garb. But wait, there's more. She has a little tyke with her. "Remember, you promised to behave if I took you out." she tells her daughter with a grin as she walks along leading the girl by the hand. The girl is dressed in a Unicorn teeshirt and red-flashy-heel shoes with simple bluejeans of the same brand Julia appears to be wearing.
"Hot Dog?" asks Rachel as Julia chuckles and shakes her head. "Well, maybe we can buy a plate of food over there?" She asks, gesturing at the buffet. And then Rachel sees HERBIE and squees. Yes, she literally squees… tugging Julia towards the little robot with enthusiasm.

The Fantasticar soars between the skyscrapers over the mayhem below and stops in a hover over the action. "Peculiar," says Reed as he looks out of the cockpit and down towards the goons. "Seems a simple robbery. Not sure about the rolling road, though."

"Might I suggest that it is a superpowered individual of somesort."

"The idea had crossed my mind, HERBIE."

And then Reed looks over his shoulder back towards Sue. "Well this doesn't look good. Shall you go after the bad guys and I check for the injured, my dear?"

Below the men are holding the battered security guards at gunpoint and convincing them to open the doors (lest they be shot into a bazillion pieces). They move with a serpentine grace. Rehearsed. Practiced. In all this is set to net them about 4 million if they can get all of it. How do they imagine they're going to get all of this…WOAH DOGGIE!

An attack helicopter peels out from behind a skyscraper and sends a missile directly at the Fantasticar!!!

Below there is shrieking by bystanders while the men double their efforts to pull the bags of cold hard cash from the overturned trucks!

Eddie continued to snap shots, though the sudden arrival of the attack chopper while attacking— it that the Fantasticar!? Oh man, these guys were prepared! Eddie just hoped that they didn't shoot anyone… he didn't want to have photos of that in the Bugle archives. "This oughta net me a week's bonus for all these good shots! Jameson is gonna flip!"

"Well, it's a start," Sue says ruefully to Reed, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek as she pops open on of the doors to step onto a disc of her own making. "I'll see you down there." With a shield in front of herself, she lowers the disc on which she stands toward the conflict. "Stop!" she calls toward the robbers. "Put the money down, put your weapons down, and step away from the trucks!"

The sound of chaos sends a shiver down Hannah's spine. She can't help but grin. Ahh, how she'd love to be out there, bagging money and holding up those who dared interfere. She has to give it to those robbers: they're efficient, talented, and when an /attack chopper/ goes overhead? Obviously well equipped.

She observes all the more, taking mental notes on things she can use to improve her own gang. But it's when she notes the car that the woman gets an idea. Why not profit off of other criminals? She could certainly use the cash.

Out comes the Grimoire, and she mutters from her protective alleyway. Beneath the robbers' vehicle, black-scaled serpents slither into it. They hide in dashboards, beneath seats, in every little nook and cranny they can get. They find every little hiding spot that puts them in shadow.

But there's a voice, young, amidst all of the chaos. A certain Night Nurse's admonishments come back. About how many lives she's ended, and ruined. That latina rage had struck a chord, even if the woman won't admit it.

There's a shimmer, a feeling of magical power to those sensitive near Rachel as the chaos continues. And the shimmering continues to those with the most sensitive of eyes. The cause are three bone-white eels that silently float near the young girl, the skin of the creatures reflective at just the right angles to bend the day's sun around them. To normal eyes, they'd be invisible. To those used to invisibility, or superhuman, or with methods of sensing heat or magic? Plain as day.

They don't attack the girl, merely gathering, protective, just a bit more magic spent on them thanks to Hannah's well-hidden guilt.

More pointing, and Julia is already starting to steer Rachel away from what's going on up ahead. She was distracted, she missed the trouble up there in lieu of trying to pay attention to her little girl. "No sweetie… let's go over there." she says, pointing away from the trouble.
Then Rachel points up at the Fantasticar and says, "Fanta.. Fan.." she's trying. She really is and then.. Another loud squee! And she wants to go chase the eels. But Mommy has a trick.. she can -cling- to Rachel's hand using molecular bonding. She cheats.. Rachel's one free arm is waving frantically, trying to pet, catch, or otherwise abuse the eels with pure childlike glee. But she is being dragged away from the conflict…

Reed tilts the Fantasticar on its side, narrowly avoiding the missile as it whizzes past. That's the good news. The bad news, is it's headed RIGHT FOR a skyscraper! "SUEEEEE!" Reed yells into the microphone, knowing she's the only one who can probably stop it. And, well, this isn't a Snyder film.

Below, the dudes are flat out ignoring Sue. The helicopter is busy landing, having made a good diversion to keep Reed busy up in the sky. The guys are now throwing bags of money into the chopper, getting it nice and full of boullion.

And lucky for the men picking up the cash, Sue is more interested in limiting the collateral damage than she is in insured money. Landing on the ground, she throws a hand up toward the sky where Reed and the Fantasticar swerve, the other toward the missile now flying toward a skyscraper. A bubble forms around the missile, catching the explosion - the heat and the debris - while the Fantasticar gets more of a slope to guide it away from trouble without crashing it.

Unfortunately, those eels aren't particularly fast. Julia uses her molecular powers, off goes Rachel, and those Certainly Normal Eels (tm) slowly lose ground. Miss Moreau smiles as they communicate the fact to her, and soon they shimmer out of existance. It seems, at least, the girl has a protector. Moreau /will/ try to plant a simple fly in one of Julia's pockets. Just in case she needs to watch the pair.

Meanwhile, goons are loading up money into a chopper. She considers her options. A few more words, and something flaps down near the helicopter. It's a giant bird, looking like an odd combination of goose and hawk. While the heroes try to save a little girl and stop others from getting hurt? Miss Moreau orders her bird to suck.

And suck it does, causing a minor vortex that tries to suck in the money they've loaded onto the chopper and the money that's near a few of the upended armored cars. Remember those eels? Moreau, jerk that she is, sends a few to distract the goons.

They start biting. It won't hurt, there's venom on those piranha like jaws. They do, however, have an apatite and try to swarm the men in hunger.

Meanwhile, Miss Moreau keeps behind the cover of a dumpster, relying on her animal's senses to keep an eye on things. She's sweating from the sheer effort of maintaining such a complex series of summons, and her head is pounding.

*SNAP!* A near miss of the Fantasticar!

*SNAP!* A killer shot of Susan Storm, one of the Fantastic Four here in the flesh!

*SNAP* The missile going to hit the buildingoooooooooh dear! That was probably not going to end- wait! It ended just fine! And then, of all things, this giant bird… thing flops down out of nowhere and starts eating up the money! This whole fiasco was just getting wierder and wierder!


Glancing back over her shoulder, Julia can't help it. She just can't. Psi-Webs form about the ankles of the would-be robbers. Eddie might recognize that effect. It's a good thing it's all subtle and such.
Rachel is oblivious to this, but she starts crying, "Shiny fish.." she mutters as her footfalls make her heels blink red. She looks back to Mommy with her sad eyes and it breaks Julia's heart.. but she didn't see the eels.

The horrific explosion caused by the missile is harmless, and in fact, kind of cool to look at inside the bubble Sue Storm creates to prevent it from doing any more damage. The flames jut out and then stop abruptly in a small, perfect fireball.

In the most peculiar fashion, the money begins to be dragged right back out of the helicopter by some large, cent-sucking seagull, or whatever that thing is. It looks as if it's just appeared and is having all of the money for a snack.

A quick assist is given to Miss Moureau as a small ion-blast is fired from the Fantasticar down upon the helicopter, whose rotors eventually grind to a halt.

Meanwhile, the eels begin to bite bite bite at the robbers who squeal in pain as the unseen forces begin to have their way with them. Reed just assumes it's Sue doing something because it's invisible, but the truth is far, far stranger.

The psi-webs make it worse as they are stuck in place, being chomped at. Oh! The agony.

Avalanche, as it were, begins to tip toe away realizing that he aint gettin none of this cash and he needs to get out while the getting out is good.

Once the car is out of danger and the missile has spent its charge, Sue lowers the shrapnel to the pavement, turning back toward the- What in the… She knows she's not doing anything with any of that, but a money-sucking bird is definitely a new one. She hesitates for just a moment, trying to figure out what exactly is happening, before she drops a field over what's left of the money, and another around the bird. "Reed, do you have any idea where the bird came from?"

"Perhaps the egg, honey," Reed chimes in.

Eddie continued to take pictures, but realized, probably much like the robbers, that something more was afoot and it was probably time to scoot while the gettin' was good! Besides, he had more than enough pictures. Jameson should be stoked by this scoop! Even though he wasn't in charge of the headlines, he could see it now - "Major heist foiled, brave photographer catches event on film!"

Okay, that might be some seriously wishful thinking, but this whole thing should net him a nice and neat bonus! Man, if only things like this happened more often! Taking his cue, Eddie quietly slipped away behind the cement and shubbery he took refuge behind, before hightailing it back to the Bugle for his praise and success.

A forcefield surrounds both bird and money, and suddenly that vortex of air abates. It's not /quite/ as much as she'd have liked, but there's probably a cool million or so in that bird's stomach.

In the alleyway, Miss Moreau first gasps, then grins. Given how the battle went, she can guess which individual managed to stop her theft.

"…I take back what I said. I love this city. What interesting heroes."

Then, she closes her book. Her Power sends her pets from whence they came in that same shimmer that leaves just a little frost wherever her pets were around. It lingers, perhaps enough for the magically inclined to detect. Just a little evidence for Sue and the other heroes still around. That bird, seemingly trapped, is gone as it fades away.

Thankfully, this means that the robbers aren't going to get eaten alive as their tormentors too fade into their cages back in Gotham. Miss Moreau takes out a handkerchief, wipes her brow, and stumbles down the alleyway, now almost utterly spent of magic and physical stamina.

The wraps her way around back to another spa, happy to get even more relaxation in.

Oh no you don't!

Avalanche is on his way East, heading for the corner, when he is assaulted by a band of small nano-bots dropped out of the hull of the Fantasticar. Try as he might, and he does try to push them away using his mutant powers, there are simply too many of them. The envelope him whole (giving enough room for air, of course) and stop him dead in his tracks.

And just like that, the bird is gone. The Fantasticar's instruments are going haywire and cannot explain the bird or what in the world was going on. It will be hours before anyone realizes that one fourth of the money they thought they saved is actually missing. For now, the heroes believe they have won. And the sweet taste of victory is not enough to free Reed from the worry that he's going to have to head right back to the Baxter Building for more cake.

"I don't get it," Reed says into the headset linked with HERBIE and Sue as he floats towards the sunset and Baxter Building. "Carrot Cake is made with real carrots but Marble cake is not made with marbles and sheet cake is most certainly not made with sheets."

"Matter of fact, that'd be disgusting."


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