In Control

March 21, 2016:

Jes comes with questions to Fenris. He corrects more than one misconception

Fenris' House in Brooklyn. Surprisingly modest for as old and wealthy as he is.

Characters

NPCs: None.

Mentions:

Plot:

Mood Music: [*\# None.]


Fade In…

Jes had stopped home and cleaned up and cuddled her kids for a bit, but Fenris is Fenris and can probably still scent her earlier distress. Or the fact that she's exhausted and judging from the amount of fast food bags and drinking cup containers the demigod is juggling outside his door, everything from soda to milkshakes to coffee and even a six pack of some spring themed craft beer, she burned up a lot of energy today. There's also probably a hint of a certain archer about her that he might recognize. "Fenris??" Jes knocks at the door with her forehead and then one of her knees, nearly losing balance from sheer tiredness and crashing against it. *Thudscramblecrinkle* "Shit! fuck ow!" Hot coffee is still hot coffee for her.


The door opens to the familair sight of Fenris looking amused. "And what, exactly, are you doing?" He murmurs as Jesana tries to juggle what looks like a soccer mom meal for twenty in her arms. She's not a big woman, Jesana, and she seems to be having a time of it. The God-Wolf is content to let her for a few minutes.


Jes manages, somehow, not to actually drop anything, though one sandaled foot is wet with coffee and so is his stoop. She peers at him through the gaps in the hair covering her face that she can't move with ehr hands full and tries tired to blow it aside with a sigh. "Hungry. I brought some for you too." She's always needed to eat alot, and frequently but gradually over the past year it's become more important. As she's grown stronger, she's become aware that power isn't infinite, for all it may be a kind of divine force or magic, there are still physical aspects. Power takes energy, it needs replaced. "I didn't know what you wanted and I wanted…everything."


"Sounds familair." The God-Wolf pulls his door open to let Jesana in. She'll eat (and drink) most of that he's sure. At some point she'll figure out how to respire energy from magical sources and not need to eat, though Fenris himself certainly still enjoys eating and does so regularly. "Though you don't usually come over just to share a meal with me. What's going on?"


Jes frowns slightly at that. It's kind of true. She'll have to work on that, make sure she shows up more often just because. "I've been trying to be less dependent on you for stuff. I know you have alot going on right now and I need to get the hang of, well, me on my own for what I can. I don't want you to think I only show up when I need you. Your more to me than that." She's sure he knows that but it doesn't hurt to say.
Jes sits down after carefully setting down the food and tears into a burger and taco at the same time, finishing both before going on. "It was a crappy day. I.. I think I did good." Jes looks up hopefully. It wasn't so long ago that she would have reacted very different after what she's about to tell him and she wouldn't have come until after she'd satisfied her anger by killing, or trying to kill, the ones responsible. "I um. I kinda ran away. Not so proud of that part but it wasn't entirely a concious decision. I got jumped by some men outside of a store. They were trying to capture me. I didn't go after them either, and I'm not going to. At least not right now." For a moment,. there is a flash of anger but from her expression, at least half of it is at herself. And it's anger, not blind killing rage. Nor is there any off the shifty hedging of words she does when she's trying to get away with doing something she knows he won't like, or has already done it and is trying not to admit it.


Fenris sighs and snags some french fries. "Okay, firstly, who was trying to capture you and what aren't you telling me?" Since while he knows she's working on things, he also knows she's acting a bit out of character and he can practically smell her hedging and trying to wiggle around something.


Fenris sighs and snags some french fries. "Okay, firstly, who was trying to capture you amd what on earth were you doing at the time?" The God-Wolf knows that Jesana has some questionable associates and really any one of them could have gotten her into hot water without her knowing about it, especially since she doesn't tend to pay the kind of attention she needs to her surroundings and the cause and effect of things.


"I'm not sure who they were. There were four at least. Three ambushing me with drugs and stun guns strong enough to take down an elephant it felt like. Holy Fe-uh.. it hurt. The fourth I only heard on their coms. They were men and human and well geared, couldn't see faces with the helmet masks. And they were trying to capture. I am so careful, Fenris. I never go to the same store twice in a row, there are six I go to randomly and I mix up which entrances and exits. But beyond that, no she doesn't always pay attention, it's been almost a year since the threat from her Stepfather and HYDRA was over. "They aren't even all in the Tri-Cities. Hell, one is in a different continent. THe manager at this one doesn't like me, I think he mustve tipped them off. I ended up in um.. a friend's apartment. He gave me something to combat the drugs and helped me calm down.."
Jes had lost it for a moment, and not to anger, in an effort to protect herself from the pain, her emotions had shut down. She doesn't quite remember that part though, since her Father's meddling to make her forget that ability kicked in as soon as the threat was over. "I was flipped out, scared and confused and just.. I should have realized something was off. I got the scent of two of them but I promised I'd wait for now. Let someone else look into it." It's not something she could have managed to promise until recently and he can tell its still very much of an effort to do it. "I've really been trying to work on my temper. Even when… especially when I feel like I'm right." Like when people attack her out of nowhere. It's only right that she kills them if she can. It's natural even. At least that's how it feels to her wilder half.


Fenris nods slowly. "Mmmm, well it begs the question why anyone would betray you and to whom. If all they had was drugs and guns though I shouldn't think them very worth your time." Given that she could have almost certainly slipped any cage they put her in eventually, unless they had some serious mystical knowledge. "Is it possible you were mistaken for someone else?"


"I don't think they had any idea what I am, beyond not wholly human. So, maybe. IF it was the manager that tipped them off, he knows I'm not and it's why he dislikes me. He saw me appear outside one day and I'm.. I do that thing that you do that humans feel, just not as good as you. I don't think he liked that either, and especially with me being a woman. He was one of those men that think women are weaker, that they have a place and if they step outside they need beaten back. That is what I read of him at least, I never saw him do anything to one or I'dve broken his hands." And arms and nose, and probably ensured he never had any future children.. but it's not really necessary to say that. "So I figured it might be those people, those DEO. I was thinking of seeing what I could find out about them but hadn't actually done anything yet. They weren't purifiers.. only four I think and they weren't trying to kill me. Besides they talked and acted like soldiers. Real ones. I.. " She frowns. Some cops are or have been soldiers and they do have many similarities in some cases but she knows the differences well. "Not police though, I .. I don't think."


Fenris shakes his head. "You don't read the papers, do you? The DEO has no need to send unknown assailants with tranq darts and tasers. They'd simply get a warrant and have you arrested. They're a public department of the Federal Government. Their biggest strength is that the law is on their side. Whatever power game they're playing I can assure you that they won't do anything to weaken their position in that regard." There's a pause. "Besides, if it had been the DEO you crossed they'd have sent much bigger guns to bring you in, I suspect. The weight and funding of the American Government is behind them. There are few forces on this mortal earth more implacable. I think you can go looking elsewhere. Criminals perhaps? Or maybe hunters of some kind. There are many out there who would seek to capture unusual people and study them, foolish as that is."


Jesna shudders. Even were she not what she were and simply human, being native aerican causes her to recoil at the thought of a goverment agency with such power. She wants to stop them, end them, keep them from coming for anyone she cares about before they have a chance. "That.. that really makes sense. I'm uhm.. glad I've been working on my temper I think." Otherwise she mightve killed some agents and brought down a shiton of trouble for herself and others. If she's going to kill them it has to be subtle, it has to be natural, some sort of accident, something that will never be traced back to her. That causes her think for a bit as she scarfs down more food.
After a few minutes of that Jes blinks and almost chokes. "Oh crap. I think I guessed wrong about some things, looking at it like that. There's two of them.. it's not the same thing, is it? The DEO, if its like you say, then your right, they'll go legal. The thing I was warned about was a goverment agency with power to do anything they want, to anyone they want. Legal or not, criminal or not, they don't care." Jes sighs. "How many groups of asshats out there are there? All wanting the same stupid things. They could have been criminals, I guess but really Fenris, the only ones I can think of that would come after me would be doing so to kill and I don't usually leave any of them alive to do so. The guy I work for only goes after people that deserve it and sometimes, I help out with that. But I'm careful about it."


"Doesn't sound like the same thing, no." Fenris sits down and considers. "And, as I recall, when Mortal societies do things like that, those people tend to operate in the shadows. Especially in the modern age, people are uncomfortable with absolute power. I'd look elsewhere."

The 'guy she works for' actually has him canting his head. "Working for someone now? Not like last time where you're going to get in a gang war, eh?"


Now there's that sudden shifty look. Technically triads aren't gangs, and she did tell him the guy she owed favors to wasn't triad. That was true. He might have a slight..problem with some of them though. That she might be slightly involved in on occasion. "Nope. No gang war." Jes smiles brightly. Shit, overselling it a bit isn't she? Why is tht she can fool everyone, everyone, but him. As crazy as it drives her, its also one of the things she loves. Helps keep her from making a lot of poor decisions and provides her with a so far, endless puzzling over how to get around him in a way that actually works, it never does but it helps sharpen her skills and distract her from actually getting into trouble on occasion. Her lips quirk a little. "So people have always sucked like this I guess. I think.. if I didn't have personal stake in it, I'd be amused a little. How many groups have there been that would have normally wiped each other out but don't because they're either too busy going after someone else or knowing the other will and wanting to let them do it for them. The purifiers have very different tactics than what you just told me about the DEO but I think they want the same thing."


"They all want the same thing if you boil it down enough: Control." Fenris shakes his head. "Most creatures want that. The differences are the methods they use and the lengths they'll go to in order to get it. Beyond that, don't make the mistake of thinking that mortals cannot endlessly surprise you. They will. Be careful." As to her shifty look…

Well that just makes him sigh.


Jes moves to snuggle up to his side, seeking comfort and in chagrin. She is doing better, really but.. well. Some things need doing. Triads are on the whole evil bastards anyway. Besides they would definitely have killed her, wouldn't have sounded like military either. "I like that usually. The surprise. Control.. not so much. It's boring isn't it? If everything is the same, nothing is allowed to be different or deviate, or be unexpected.. if you plan and oversee and control every single thing, then, what's the point? where's the fun, the.. life?"


"Depends on who you talk too. Some people think life is too all over the place. I've known a few." Fenris musmurs, looping an arm around her shoulders. "So, what are you going to do now? You have people after you which I think you'll find common after a while. You had some other projects, though, I believe?"


She nestles close and sighs in contentment. This always makes her feel better. "I suppose it will be. I guess.. it'll make things interesting and I kinda figured. It's why I have Freerick to watch my kids and not just a regular live in sitter or nanny or whatever they call them. Well, not a nanny. I wouldn't have that but I have to go so often and so suddenly it'd have to be someone there all the time." The idea of a nanny is somewhat forgein to her. Paying someone to care for your children so you don't have to.. why have them in the first place then? At home, there was family or relatives or neighbors, elders, people helped each other as a matter of course.
"He was a soldier, and then a security guard. He's uneasy about the things he doesn't understand, like the Den but he loves the children and he'll keep them safe." She also has somewhat of a further guardian that it's probably time to tell him about. "Fenris. You .. you remember that night when.." Jes swallows and tenses. "When my stepfather sent my dad's spirit monster here for me?" He'd bound it to her and she'd commanded him to find her stepfather and end him, one of the hardest things she's ever done.. letting that man go and not tearing his heart out herself after the things he'd done to her. She hasn't spoken of that night since, or the mutant victim that had been tossed out of a van in front of her and the fact that she'd killed him moments later. "He set our families souls free. but um.. it wasn't enough. At least, not for him."


"Oh? He's still hanging around is he?" Fenris considers. "How do you want to handle it. There are rites to banish ghosts and I can ask Astryd to ferry him beyond. If you want to try to let him pass over 'naturally' though, you'll need to resolve whatever's holding him here. If he can't tell you you'll have to guess. Both could be a bit tricky."


"That's the thing. I know why he's here. i have known. At first I was so angry, so very very angry. I didn't tell you because I didn't think.. I didn't want him to have the peace of passing on when I'm in so uch pain. Was." Is, though it's become.. not easier to bear but more bearable in a way, all the same. "Then I realized that, he's not indian. I mean, I knew but, he loved my adopted brother's mother. She was the blackfoot. The farm and all that, came from her. He wasn't gonna end up in Gihiizibong, he didn't follow our ways. I almost said something then but, I've been to Hell too and as angry as I was.. I knew it'd be alot more permanent for him than i twas me."
Jes sighs. She's glad, that he isn't there. The rage has faded, at least towards him. "He was old, old and tired, Fenris an a wolf, a wolf that kept on after losing his mate for her children's sake but it broke him so badly. He wasn't able to see what my stepfather was and blames himself. He was his partner, the one he chose rather than being alone and chose knowing he was a phycopath because here was someone he'd never love and when he eventually lost him.. well." Jes shrugs. She understands it now. "He was following me around to protect me but that isn't a good idea. I can't have a ghost tearing people apart. It's not exactly subtle and I know I often am not either but, he's alot less picky towards wht's acceptable than me. So I've been making him stay at the boat in case anything supernatural comes looking. I'm jus tnot sure if.. controlling souls.. I don't think its something I want to do, or learn how. Only in his case, I don't know what else to do."


"Well as I said, there are ways to banish such things." Fenris says shifting. "If you want my help with it let me know. Otherwise I'm content to let you work it out." And that's all there is to that. Mortal ghosts, be they ever so persistent, are no moment to him. The leftovers of the mayfly lives mortals lead. He's dealt with them for an age and doesn't have near the emotional attachment to most anything that most people do.


Jes nods, satisfied to let it rest for now too, since he knows. She's learning to be more patient with some decisions. It won't always be possible for her but when she can, she tries to take her time before doing something drastic to figure out all the possible ramifications first. It does remind her of two more things. "I don't want to control souls.. I can't see how that would help me not fall to the darkness.. and those who aren't bad deserve to pass on, those who are, they're likely going to end up somewhere where something that has more time than I do to make sure they get what they deserve. But I also did a thing somewhat related. Not so much controlling, as offering to.. mmm.. alter someone's fate, if they die. I offered a friend sanctuary in my realm. So that he would be free to do things he might feel necessary without worrying about, losing his soul to Hell. Father was.. outraged, at first. Me offering a white guy free passage there for eternity. Then he was really amused." Jes rolls her eyes.


"Your father would find something like that funny." Fenris rolls his eyes. "Just don't let him play with the souls. Norns only know what he'll do with them. As for soul magic, that tends to be a darker art. I'd stay away from it were I you if you're at all worried about that kind of thing." He's not, but then… he's the Destroyer.


"What I'm worried about," Jes admits honestly. "If failing you, and lesser but still, also my children. They, won't remember if I'm gone suddenly now. And I know that after awhile you wouldn't either. But I don't want you to have to end me not just cause I want to keep going but, also because I don't want to cause you to have to do that. Even though I find comfort in knowing you would. If I lose myself, I don't want to be allowed to become the very thing I hunt. She's a monster yes, but she hunts only the other monsters. It is a difference. "There are other people too, I'd like not to let down. It's been helping me, thinking about that. Sometimes, I ask myself what you would do, but that doesn't always help when I'm trying to keep hold of my humanity so lately, I ask myself what Lady Pepper would do, or Green Arrow or even May. Because they are three of the best humans I know and even if I have no idea what they'd do, I know what they wouldn't and the thinking helps me remain in control."


"I can think of worse role models, certainly." Fenris murmurs. "Let it lie for now. I'll warn you if you come close to crossing lines I think ought not be crossed. Or come bite you." Which is a serious thing when talking to someone who can be a wolf the size of a tank. "For now just allow yourself to relax. Worrying about it all the time will simply wear you out."


Jes nods. She tries not to most of the time. She knows tht she's meant to be both good and bad, a thing of change and chaos and she's okay with that. What she isn't oaky with is being entirely bad. It's not as likely to happen to happen to a creature like her as it is another and with time, and healing the danger will pass, but most things are possible at some point or another, especially when it comes to beings like her and her Father. The mention of being tired reminds her of another worry, one that has been wearing her out and she can't figure out how to remedy without asking for help, which, she hadn't wanted to do. "Someone pointed out to me earlier that I need to stop being so unwilling to ask for help when I need it. There is a um.. a thing. I've tried and tried to figure out how to.. I just.. the human ways aren't going to work! and now that I can use magic to escape handcuffs and chains.. that isn't gonna work either. It's going to be a problem very soon and I thought I'd find something by now but i haven't been able to and I'm going crazy worrying about it. It's just too soon. I can't.. not yet." Her voice is almost frantic and the words come all in an embarrased rush but her avoidance of stating her actual problem has nothing to do with trickery this time, she's embarrased. Mortally and utterly embarrased. This is not a male probelm and defnitely not something she wanted to ask her God for help with. "It's almost spring." Jes finally whispers. Coyote has definitely noticed. She wants more children, so many more but it is so not the time and Jes has no idea how to prevent it. In some areas she has more self control than most can imagine, in others she has almost none at all and this is one of them, and soon her natural instincts are going to make it impossible to even try.


Fenris looks amused. "Well I can always drop you down a hole for a few months." Is the first thing he suggests. "But have you considered, perhaps, just putting your inner coyote back to sleep? There are few things that cannot be overcome and while your instincts are strong it's a rather simple thing to dull her senses and send her to bed, convince her it's still winter." Beat. "Unless you prefer being dropped down a hole."


Dropped down a hole is actually the only thing she's been able to come up with since learning how to undo the cuffs and Jes stares, actually boggles in panic for a moment before she realizes he's kidding. "Oh that's not fun-..wait.. I can do that? But.. it wouldn't be like when I was Hell, right? not having her at all.. oh I can't do that again. It was so.. there aren't words. She'd just be there but asleep? That happens a little sometimes on its own. More since that.. happened. Father said its because when he stitched us back together, the wounds in my soul didn't allow us to mesh all the way. Sometimes she's more awake when I'm human than I am and sometimes I'm more awake when Coyote than she is." Speaking as if they are two people is something Jes does to make it easier to explain things, she doesn't consider them to be sepearate. She is coyote and coyote is her. They really aren't in truth, two beings. They're two halves of a whole. It's entirely possible that only someone like her Father would have been able to fix what she did to herself. The kind of accidents a Trickster can manage are a different level of trouble than the most clumsy human ever. Jes suddenly giggles. Okay, it's a little funny. At least now that she knows there is a fix. One not involving going insane in a hole somewhere. "Some guy asked if I was okay and instead of saying I'll live, I said "I'll love." I wanted to.." She flushes. Crawl into a hole, actually. At least for a moment.


Fenris chuckles softly. "Yes, there are ways to put bestial instincts back in their boxes. Goodness, how do you think werewolves manage?" It's not as though it's a common thing for them to be ripping people's throats out every full moon and there's a reason for that. "Yes, we can do that. Just come by tomorrow evening. It'll be a bit cold. And you may need to bring a change of clothes." That being that, the God-Wolf stands up. "Going to get something to drink from the kitchen. I'll grab you something."


"I wasn't really allowed around the pack. And Dad explained what he could but I'd never shown any interest or signs of.. this being a problem as far as he knew so he probably never even thought about it. They never knew. About my daughter, or how hurt I was. At first I was too hurt and then, we figured it was safer given what happened that no one ever knew. They all thought that I'd ran away from the Res that year. They thought I was gone for about seven months. I wasn't, but.. they had to think so. Ohh all this time I've been worrying and if I'd just.. dammit. I do need to work on this." Admitting the need for help isn't a natural instinct. Jes sighs. She's relieved, so relieved but also annoyed with herself. Talk about a bunch of wasted time needlessly spent.


"Well, let that be a lesson learned, then." Fenris murmurs from the kitchen. "Now, put it from your head and let's have a beer or two."

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