February 13, 2016:
Whatever else they are, they are still their father's children.
Characters
NPCs: Badger Old_Man_Coyote
Mentions:
Plot:
Mood Music: [*\# None.]
Fade In…
There was a bit of a debate between the two about how exactly to contact the Badger god. Once, that is, they managed to stop having a deeply romantic and sensual time together after the decision to talk to Badger. But now, Dusty kisses Jesana's neck, and settles nearby on the bed, intending to drift, to rest, to request Badger's presence. It usually does not work, but the last time, it did… and there is a lot riding on this, just as there was before. Dusty reclines back, drawing Jes close if she's willing, wanting to feel her head resting at his chest and shoulder, wanting her close.
Jesana snuggles up against Dusty, tucking her head beneath his chin and letting his warmth and scent help her relax further. She's a little nervous. This is, it's more than important to her. It's something she needs, something she has to have. Children are always going to be her great love. Her life will never be normal or stable and nearly everything about her is subject to change but this, is not. She's native american and human and demigod and coyote but above all she's a mother and that instinct is so strong in her she can't repress or deny it, even if she were willing to.
It's not right away. It's hours. Dusty ends up fully asleep, even if Jesana stays awake with her thoughts. She's free to look at Dusty, although he looks rather… fuzzy, just asleep, with his long touseled hair with some of the stripes showing at the roots, his jaw that needs a shave. So much for meditation - he passed out. Typical.
Yet then something happens, something different. Dreams are one thing, but this is another, but eerily familiar. Dusty's body flexes slowly, and the scent changes drastically. It's like breathing in the deep earth, lava, the underbelly of power under the soil. Magic warps Dusty slightly, hair and face still the same flesh, but drastically empowered and enhanced, as the giant magic stripes flow over cheeks and forehead and hair in brilliant white and black, eyes open showing only black, no white at all, yet they are not eerie: the eyes of a powerful essence of the darkness, but a safe darkness. "Coyote Daughter," the voice says warmly to her, nothing like Dusty's. "I sense your great need," the god says, but the tone is sad.
Jes watches Dusty for a long time, she's not impatient and maybe even a bit amused. He's very handsome and good to look at and while she wouldn't have fallen asleep, she would have given up already on her and tried a different method of contact. Mediation is not one of her strong suits. She's still watching as the change takes place and sits up a bit startled. The sadness in the god's voice gives her pause. "You know what I'm going to ask then, don't you? I can't.. I love Dusty. I do, and I want him. But I need to have more pups. More children. Ours would be so lovely and strong and he would be a great father and there are so few of our kind left. We could change that, together." She's desperate to convince Badger. This isn't just a spur of the moment thing or a want. Her voice is filled with emotion, with need. "I am a mother. I cannot, not be a mother. Please release him. Let us have this."
"Little Coyote, I am also a mother, though the boy sees me as he wishes. I understand your desire… and your love. He will be a wonderful father, and he will have strong cubs, he is one of my best hopes," Badger answers. It isn't even really Dusty present, he isn't possessed— it's as if Dusty isn't even there, anymore. Badger's power is manifest, and very different in type from her rival Coyote's. "Coyote and I have an ancient rivalry that cannot end in just a small human lifetime," the god says, quietly. "I am deeply sorry that you suffer his games and tortures, Jesana." The god pauses, then continues. "Our bloodlines stay apart… and I will not give Coyote power over the life of /any/ of those of my line. I care for them too much. I do not want his touch on them. Which, I am sorry, little one — but I will not allow any projeny between you and my boy." The god is deeply sad, but the word is very firm. "Your love is natural and wonderful, I would not wish to see it end; it is a rare thing. But I will always protect him and his future. I am sorry."
Jesana sits straighter, her brown eyes flashing and opens her mouth to deny the Badger god's words. 'I am not my Father!' is what she means to say but while she might lie to others, she never lies to herself and in many ways, she is her Father. Jes does love Dusty. He deserves normalicy, family. Stability. She could give him children, many of them and she can give him her love but the rest.. Jes will never stay in one place for long and no matter how deeply she might love a man, it isn't likely a single one will ever hold her attention completely. It isn't in her nature. She's wild and she always will be. In the end, no matter how she tries she'll fail Dusty. She'll hurt him. He's kind and sweet and strong and Jes is.. ruthless and violent and capable of being just as cruel as her Father at times. All of these things are thoughts she's pussed aside and ignored but listening to the Badger, it's much, much harder to deny. "I do not agree with your reasons." And she doesn't. Jes shudders. She really doesn't, but her own reasons are not so easily dismissed now. "But you are making me see.. if I really love him then I must let him go. I am not my Father, but I am his Daughter."
The Badger looks at her calmly, and finally bows its head, eyes closing. "I see you can find a wisdom deep within yourself, Jesana," the god says, still gentle. The badger god doesn't like this situation either. "I think you will need it in the times ahead. Your road is very hard. I hope that you can see why I wish to give Dusty a different road. …But I think his love is good for you, and yours for him. He is very lonely, and his will was tattered." Badger sighs heavily. "I would encourage you not to spurn your love away, but I understand you are hurt." A pause. "And that this will cut him deeply as well. I have faith in him, and you, that you can be better than Coyote and I." Badger starts to fade away, the magic starts to ebate. "I think you do need each other, and it can be healthy, and pure. But your roads are not the same."
The badger god starts to fully extract from the room, with a rush of magic. Dusty gags and sits up harshly, panting, as if he'd had a vicious nightmare, holding his forehead with both hands.
Jesana reaches for Dusty and grabs his shoulders. Will he know what just happened? "Are.. are you alright? Do you need something? I.." Oh this sucks. Jes bows her head. This is not what she'd expected, not what she'd wanted but she isn't seeing any other way forward. She can't not have children but that thought isn't even foremost in her mind at the moment. Later she'll be able to put more of the blame on her Father but right now, she's blaming herself. She isn't what Dusty really needs. Definitely not what he deserves. "Oh Dusty, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You know, I do love you right? I'm always going to be there for you. I just don't think it can be in the way that we wanted for it to."
Dusty grinds his fingers into his eye sockets a little as the extreme headache screams through. When he pulls his hands down though, there is a horrific depth and dark place in his eyes. He's wearing the loss all over his face, as if she had /died/ and he's not even really seeing her, the mourning is thick. She may even question if she DID die. He lets her grab his hands or shoulders or whatever, but he has… visably shut down. "I should go," Dusty says, in a dead voice.
Jes doesn't know what to do but can't see a way to not make this worse for him so she squeezes his shoulders and nods. "I.. alright. I'm sorry. I am." She can scent the grief coming off of him and realizes that in a way his is mourning her. It's probably better now than later but it doesn't make it hurt less for either of them. Hopefully with a bit of time it will be okay.
And then the mood swings hard, and he wakes up. She actually hasn't seen his anger, probably, so this may be a different shock. "So that… that's /it/? No fight at /all/?" Dusty says, lifting his head to /glare/ at her, a light coming back on, but it's full of the hurt and the loss. "You just give in? When the hell has that started being something you do?" Dusty demands loudly. The anger is covering the bleeding.
"I'm not giving in to them. But.. I. I can't be what you need. I could try. I would. But I'd fail in the end. You are so good and kind and decent and you deserve ahappy life with a wife and family and normalacy. All I could give you out of that was children and now I can't do that and I have to. I need to have more children. If you need to be angry, then I get that. I'm angry at myself too. I wanted this. I wanted you. I still do but I'm only gonna screw you up more."
And … in comes the feral. It took a lot to pull it forward. Which has a deep irony to it: something she's wanted to see in him, and it takes all this to bring it forward. He snorts in disgust at her comments about him. "Says who that I'm kind or good? So I have to be vicious and awful to keep you?" Dusty demands, his hackles up. He has a wildly feral thing going on; he isn't turning into an animal, but the scent has moved, and his jawline and the snarl he sends at her has some elongation of teeth and his naturally reflective eyes are even more heavy with his nocturnal aspect. "Why won't you fight?" Dusty demands, unable to stop himself from lunging at her, letting his primal anger lead him to intend to pin her, and breathe on her neck in a very full dominance display.
Jesana growls as he lunges at her but she lies back and doesn't stop Dusty from pinning her. If he accidently hurts it really won't help the situation. A smal part of her mind is amused by the fact that this here, now he's going feral and the thought is a bit of a bucket of ice water on her suddenly rising libido. She's not fighting because she loves him. She won't end up betraying him somewhere down the line, either because she wants children or comes into heat at the wrong time or dies in some fight somewhere. She's stubborn and thinks this is the right thing to do for him. No matter how much she hates it and it hurts.
Dusty roars in her face. It's not really a 'roar' like a lion, it's more of this horrid feral scream, because he's a badger, but he's too wrapped into his anger now and his aggression doesn't have a good turn-off switch. It's a sound of hatred but it's full of a deep-chest of pain. Which she is probably feeling too, and yet he's the one that's throwing a tantrum. He loves her dearly, and can't deal with it. He doesn't hurt her though. "I hate you for this," Dusty snarls, which reads only as 'I love you more than anything'. And tears are coming, so. He lunges off her, and grabs his coat as he storms out, literally tearing the exterior door's hinges apart with how much force he throws at it.
Jesana rolls to her feet and watches him go. After a few moments she sighs and moves to pick up the door. She doesn't blame Dusty at all, right now she's hating herself a little. Besides she knows it wasn't what he meant. She loves him too. It's why she let him go. Hopefully they'll be able to stay close. Find a new way to stay in each others lives but she's pretty sure its going ot take some time and more than a little work to figure it out. For the moment all she can do is fix the door and then.. hprobably get drunk of her ass. Or go take out some of this rage and hurt she's feeling on some purifiers or helpless animals. She's got a feeling her freezer and everyone she knows is gonna be pretty full of fresh meat for awhile.