If you read a log crazier than this today you have more interesting RP than us

November 01, 2015:

Deadpool, Lunair, and Gambit combine for a scene that may or may not make sense.

Madripoor

A place

Characters

NPCs: Nazis

Mentions:

Plot:

Mood Music: [*\# None.]


Fade In…

Why are we in Madripoor?

"Because this is where you go if you lost things and want to find them." Deadpool says from his perch atop one of the high rise buildings looking down upon the busy streets of the Island Nation. During the day this place isn't all that bad, ya know? Kind of dingy, but it doesn't smell like someone farted into an old gataraid bottle like Gotham City does.

"Besides, the other options were like…Lunair's room. How weird would that be?"

Deadpool and Gambit hanging out in Lunair's room?

Rule #34

"If it exists, there's a Deadpool porn of it on the internet?"

"Ami," Gambit says as he walks alongside Deadpool. "Who you be talkin' to?" How and why and where and when these two teamed up is another story for another time. Either way, the Cajun feels mighty uneasy working with this loose cannon. Or is it canon. Or i—you know what I mean.

Lunair is a bit boggled. But she's also been working for some VERY INTERESTING folks of late and since the more heroic types normally keeping an eye out are busy, Lunair is ALSO BUSY and DOING THINGS that she probably will write off as just cute Lunair things.

Except shooting people in the face really isn't terribly cute.

And weirdly, Lunair pops out from beneath fruit in a fruit stand. "Heeey, easy on the porn, I'm on a stake out," This from the apples. "OH HI!" She pays the vendor off, takes an apple and joins the other two as if she weren't being WEIRD AND STALKERY. "And er, wait, what about my room? What did you do?" Pause. "Will it need a flamethrower when I get back?"

"You know how crazy people take medicine to keep themselves from talking to imaginary voices in their head that tell them to hurt people or blow up small villages or set their parents houses on fire or whatever?" Deadpool glances sidelong at his Cajun cohort! "Well, it's not like that at all."

"See, my therapist says it's not crazy to argue with yourself unless you start losing the arguments." Wade double snap points at Remi and starts a little at Lunair, "Jesus christ, Loonie! You almost scared the Gotham City out of me…"

We're going to make Gotham City smelling like poop a thing

"What are you stacking out? Can me and my completely not homosexual partner and I team up with you to take care of it?!" Because Wade has lots of machine guns and swords and stuff. Plus his PLAYER didn't really THINK of anything INTERESTING because all his ENERGY is on the Mandarin Horde plot!

As Deadpool goes into his long mono-dia-tria-logue, Gambit takes the time to reach into his inner breast pocket and pull out a soft-pack of camels. The light from his zippo flares his face in an orange glow for just a moment before it dissipates and he lights his cigarette.

There's an intake of air, then an exhale, while his black and red eyes trail on over towards Deadpool in a peer. The zippo's familiar clink as the metal bangs off itself and the pack and lighter are put away.

For all the world it looks as if Gambit has something important to say, but then he stops. He starts again, but again comes short. Finally, he asks:

"Quoi?"

"…" At least Gambit didn't seem startled by Lunair popping out of the fruit. She has a couple of apples, and munches. "Hi!" She beams at Deadpool. "Yeah, definitely don't lose." Munchmunch. "… work." Munchmunch. NOT assassinating someone, totally.

"Hi Gambit. You two busy? And um, well." Lunair rubs the back of her head. "A human trafficking ring was teaming up with some dudes who raided a Nazi gold shipment and I think I am pretty sure some ninja dude was drunk and crying when he asked me to help." A beat. "So basically, it's bad dudes who stole a lot of gold. I don't mind splitting it. I can take you to the warehouse. The guy passed through, and I didn't want to pop out of cover too early."

"Lemme see if I follow." Deadpool doesn't seem surprised by the oddity of this mission briefing, "The quest is to take out everyone in a warehouse and then swim in a pile of gold like Scroogie McDuck?" That's the over simplified version, sure. "Oh and there's Nazi's… we really should have brought Steve along for this…" Wade mentally snaps, "One of his super powers is punching nazi's in the face."

ANYWAYS! Wade pushes accept a few times to try and skip the dialog part of the quest, "I mean it has all the qualities of a quest, right? Functionally ill defined area in which to farm the quest item.. quirky, yet believable, dialog options, clear and present character development set in a faux openworld environment… and a gold quest reward."

He turns to Remi, hands up as if to shrug, "I mean I'm in, obvs.."

"I tink we tried to get 'im, mon ami, but his player preferred to get a scene in with an alt," admits Gambit. "Pas de problem, of course. We just go it alone. Iffen deres some gold and some nazi's, ole Remy reckons dere won't need be no problems wit inspiration, n'est-ce pas?"

Le Beau reaches into his pocket to pull out a small silver cylinder and seems to give Lunair a little wink.

"Pretty much. I'll take the papers ninja dude asked for and maybe get him to an AA meeting. He needs help," Lunair muses. She shrugs. "I get a lot of weird jobs…" But she has a remarkably low overhead, as she is her own weapons supplier. "And really? Cool. I had no idea he had that power," Lunair admits. "… Um, yup. Totally."

She looks between them. "It's my job, so - yeah." And a rub at the back of her head. "Sure." A pause and a smile. A cylinder and a wink? Does Gambit really like geometry? There's the gears of fate and that odd cosmic voice warming up and all. "The Warehouse is down-" Fishing out a map. "This way. Towards the docks. It's painted up to look pretty, so no one really messes with it because it's always the weird, pretty houses that have weird, horrifying things." Right?

TL:DR

Deadpool, at some point, moved over to sit on the edge of a car with his legs swuinging while playing his gameboy 3DS. "Metal Gear Solid 3 was probably the best one of the series." He says in answer to all the questions and directions towards the warehouses that he totally didn't hear because he was fighting a mini-boss.

"I never understood calling him Naked Snake, what with his almost magical perpencity for changing camo in the matter of seconds to hide behind a burnt tree, but whatever right? Fourth walls are fun." Case in point, Remi breaking it!

Deadpool glances up and grins at his sidekick behind his mask, "That's right! Sal'right, I'm all for helping alts meet scene requirements, yo. Besides." He hops down off the car and closes his gameboy, "We're about to power pose kissing everyone."

Bruh kissing?

I typed it out and then totally thought it was funny so I changed it back.

"I meant killing everyone… but I did watch It Follows. That movie was like a sexually transmitted monster that fo-…" Wade waves it off and looks to Lunair, "You lead, we follow, then kill everyone with our super powers… it's just like Heromux! Only he's-" thumbing at Gambit, "-not as cool there."

"Ole Remy dun need to force no one to do no kissin, PooldeMort. Rather, I can do dat business all on my own." The cylinder in Gambit's hand turns into a long bo staff as he prepares for battle. Or for taking other people's belongings. Either way, he certainly looks intense.

"De docks always be de place to do dis sort of t'ing. Y'wonder why dey don't just tear down dose docks in every town, non?"

"Probably because despite all the badness, boats coming in and out are important to ports," Lunair muses. "But with so many people and goods moving, well." Handwave. "Just the same as many cities." Lots of people, lots of movement, lots of those who would … have less than legal professions doing their thing.

She looks up to smile at Deadpool. She'll get them there but typing travel stuf gets kind of boring, right?

"Um." Kissing, huh. She seems uncertain.

"Anyway. There it is." A motion. BECAUSE TRAVEL TOTALLY HAPPENED BUT NO ONE WANTS TO SPEND HALF AN HOUR POSING ABOUT IT. THANK YOU. ALTHOUGH METAL GEAR ON THE 3DS IS REALLY AWESOME. THANKS, KOJIMA AND FRIENDS.

"There are multiple Gambits, too?" Hmm. Lunair contemplates that. She looks around. There's a couple of security guards who look alternately bored and worried because they are the poor saps who die first when the warehouse inevitably gets raided or the boss's ire works up.

"Seriously, dude? Nazi gold?" SIGH. "Hey, my mom told me to get a job or I'd get kicked out of the basement." "NAZIS." SIGH.

Around the back is a large steel door, for moving shipping containers, trucks and that sort of thing in. There's a camera or two, although a seagull lands on one of the cameras, and starts attacking it. Because even the seagulls are in a cartel or mafia here. That's just how they do.

The sides seem fairly unguarded, but they are also the most well, open. The warehouse in general is a little apart from the others with the name of some generic German company stamped on it. Promises of eco-friendly work betrayed by peeling lead paint. "There it is." Nod. "Electricity supply seems limited at best, so I suspect any security is people or dog based. Here." She pulls a bag of BEGGIN'S TRIPS. Good distraction for any canid based sentries. "Anyway, there's gold, documents and bad dudes in there." A beat. "I'll probably be going as a power armored distraction." She pulls a tranq dart gun. "I'll give those two a nap. You guys can do your thing." Nod. And Lunair will be interfering minimally because her player sucks eggs at running and playing her own PC.

"Rriiiiight?!" Deadpool motions at Remy, "One day everything's going to happen in like a small cottage town in England and nobody's ever going to know about it because nobody looks anywhere but the docks!" It's like Deadpool always says: Chimichangas are the best.

what the fuck does that have to do with anything?

"They're awesome…" As if there needs to be any other reason?! Wade glances between them, "Chimichangas… they're awesome. I was mentally musing why I would use that as a my catch phrase, ya know what, don't worry about it let's go kill people with words…"

Then they're there just like a regular John Woo picture! Wade crouching in a bush that is doing very little to hide him and looking around a pole that is about half as wide as he is. "Man, this is going to be bad ass…" He's already grabbing his swords and running off towards the action without a single care in the world for subtly! "LEEROOOOOOY JEEEEENKINS!"

He jumps, spin kicks one guard right in the chest and comes down with both blades across the side of his neck which, as you can imagine, severs his head! Deadpool rolls off the top of the dead dog and skewers the Canine companion right through the ribs! "BEGGIN' STRIPS!…."

You know Beggin' strips are dog treats she was going to have us use to distract them and not a battle cry she wanted you to work into your attack right?

"Well I do now…"

Remy bursts into a run and digs his staff down into the ground. It bends, but holds, and vaults him straight over the fence as if he were on the track team in high school (he wasn't. He never made it to high school). When he lands he crouches low upon the ground and as someone or something approaches him he gives a backwards slam with his staff, knocking his opponent clean out.

"'urry up, you slow pokes. Less go!"

"…" Poor doggy. Lunair looks a little traumatized behind her power armor. A little twitching, too. "Oh. I should have specified," She offers quietly. Nevertheless, she makes like Taylor Swift and shakes it off. They have the things they need and Lunair is acting as cover. The guards totally got owned by Deadpool's badass tribute to John Wu and stuff.

And Gambit is doing his thing. Unfortunately, a guard had the misfortune to peek around the corner just as Gambit lands and gets more pole to the face than Lunair's illtyped misadventure trying to find youtube drunk.

Nevertheless, it's not a difficult warehouse to get *in* to. Which is probably meaning something is worse inside. That's how it works in these movies, doesn't it? And it does. There's a bunch of sleeping soldiers in Hugo Boss uniforms, alarmingly large amount of boxes, and a few poor bastards shuffling around the warehouse. Most of them well armed. Although, one pauses. "Hey. Hans. What ze hell is a Leeroy Jenkins?" Hans snorts and grunts, playing his PSP. "I do not know. Leave me for my waifu." SIGH.

And one of the soldiers starts opening the large metal door, likely in anticipation of a shipment or shift change. Opportunity time!

PSP…

P.S.P.?!

"The handheld market is completely in the hands of Nintendo you philestine!" Deadpool is on that man like white a cock heads upper lip. Slice one arm and the PSP juggles up into the air, turn and kick the man through one of the large boxes, and the PSP is butterfly kicked up once more. Instead of stabbing the Hanz and Franz counterpart, Wade grabs a machine pistol and unloads an entire clip into him at point blank range…

Then catches the falling PSP in a back turned hand behind his back, brings it back up, and checks the game. "Catamari forever?"…

"Fag." CRUSH!

Eventually that's going to get us in trouble without shouting -trigger warning-.

"Awwww is the sissy typist having issues?"

I'm just saying it's insensitive is all.

All this yammering about gets him distractedly distract shot with a shotgun in the back! WHAT A CRUEL WORLD! To die in some hidden badguy base on Madripoor! Deadpool clutches the exit wounds of all those shotgun blasts in the front of his chest, holding onto his spilled abdominal insides coming outsides! "What fate is this?!"

SMASH, face first, right into the deck plating… bleeding canadian blood…

and the Russian Judge is all 2.4 on that Death pose.

Side-whispers, "We're fighting Germans."

and ze Russian Judge es all HAIL HITLAH on that death pose.

Edgy.

Gambit seems to be taken aback by the attacking and the killing of the dog. He straightens, lowers his staff, and shakes his head at Deadpool. "Seriously?" He holds his hands out to say that killing dogs, yelling cultural insensitivities, and

BANG!

Once Remy realizes Deadpool's been shot, he chalks him up to being deadski, and slips into the shadows, eager to make his own final play on this mission.

Lunair will quietly put a hankerchief over the poor dog. DSI Cleanup. Deadpool Scene Investigation. Her eyes widen as Deadpool goes for Hans like - well - that. There's a slow blink. Right. Job. She's at work. Even if she's a bit concerned about the Canadian what just got shot. There's a soft THNK of a tranq rifle and some poor sap in a uniform keels over, leaving Gambit to do things the Gambit Way(TM).

The sleeping soldiers are now DEFINITELY awake and the trio is alarmed by the spectacle. Actually, the one with the shotgun just kind of - stares. He stares like a man who just used Google with the safe search off for the first time. "Mein GOTT. Vhat ze hell vas that?" The not so dynamic duo are dead, and their tastes duly criticized. "Poor Hans. He had such a taste for ze animes." "Weirdo." A blonde man grunts. They are stirred up, and starting to mill. Weapons are grabbed. "Whatever, just protect this place." One seems to have a distinctly AMERICAN accent. Friggin' midwestern accents. They seem unaware of Gambit just yet, and Lunair is - well, she's being quiet because again, this is not my strong point.

"Get one of ze staff to clean this up," A motion to the mishap and bodies.

The part of Deadpool will be played by Leonard Nimoy

Bruh…

In for a penny- in for a pound

"If you eleminate the impossible, whatever's left, however inprobably, must be the truth." Wade says thoughtfully from his position on the floor in a pool of his own blood. There's little blood bubbles.

Wouldn't that be like Spock playing us?

Do you honestly think Deadpool knows the difference?

"Jimy." Deadpool pushes up from his blood spot to join Remy int he shadows, bullet hole in his chest still leaking internal body stuff like blood and guts and grossness. "I shall provide a distraction and you spirit away the intended object of our original mission." All very quiet and clinical.

Dude we're going with it.

"I am a vulcan and a human, I am always at war with the two sides of my personality." Clever amirite? Then he rushes towards the remaining badguys! "AIYEEEEEE!" Windmilling his swords like a Ninja juicer.

Remy sighs, wondering for the 38883rd time how he got stuck into this mess. When Deadpool encroaches upon him he nearly gags from the blood and the rancid smell of old taco meat. But just as soon as he approached, Wilson left again, leaving Remy to his own devices.

Remy leaps in the direction of the recently awakened soldiers, but before he arrives, an Ace card lands right in between them, complete with a purple charge.

Boom!

The explosion is not enough to kill, killing isn't his thing. Now raising hell? Well, that's something he's not bad at doing.

"What ze fu—" It's collective, really. They have no idea what he is going on about or why. Or even who just took a freaking SHOTGUN BLAST and started monologuing then getting back up?!

"KILL HI" And then Gambit does his thing. The head honcho, who appears to be the blonde guy in heart print boxers (He was napping, sheesh) doubletakes at seeing a - playing card. "Vhat? Who ze hell- Is this one of those Yugi things Han went on abo" And he's cut off by a purple BOOM! It's purple because that's cool. The place is thrown into chaos.

Two are trying to pick Deadpool off, although they have the misfortune of trying to fight a very determined Canadian ninja juicer.

It ends poorly. And by poorly, we mean Nazibits everywhere. For Deadpool, it ends great! Dead Nazis abound!

Lunair is quietly cheating and moving the chests and things they need out with a portal gun into a waiting - well, she's got their backs, keeping the guards out and moving things.

The boxer-clad man recovers after a moment and slings a knife at Gambit. The one nazi smart enough to dive decides to pull a sword and go for Deadpool. That'll end fast. "Vhat ze hell!?" There's only a pair or two left, and any support staff made damn sure to GTFO.

Nevertheless, they really don't seem to entirely be a match. A dog looks in, and somehow, some bacon is tossed at it. Bacon accepted, the canine ambles off. Behold: The power of bacon.

The power of bacon indeed!

Deadpool is in an epic ninja sword fight with a ninja sword wielding ninja Nazi! Swing sword here to create really awesome ninja sword striking ninja sword sparks! Kick there to make really awesome ninja nazi knee shattering sounds when Deadpool snaps all the ligaments that hole his Tibia and Febia to his Femor! The Nazi Ninja never stood a nickles worth a chance against the Canadian Vulcan Ninja!

"HUZZAH!" Scissor swords running along eitherside of the crouching nazi ninja's neck! "This is like that one movie with that one actor who totally played Darth Vader as a whiny wanker!" The desire to do a direct bit out of a Deadpool comic not withstanding, Deadpool severes dudes head in a magical spray of arterial and veinous blood!

"Well that was anti-climatic…" The body tumbles to the side and squirts a few last sprays of blood on the floor, but it totally isn't like they show in all the cartoons. "Note to self, don't take anatomy lessons from Dragon Ball Z…"

Gambit, having beaten those against him, is now running for the treasure.

You see, this has been one gigantic ruse. Ever the thief, it is his goal to take the teleporter and use it for himself. To gain the gold. For himself.

He waltzes up behind Lunair and smiles, "Have we got de good, cherie?"

They never really saw it coming. They tried to keep their heads down. And now most of them have heads down on the ground. There's - viscera about. The Nazis are done in for. There's a happy dog nearby, noshing on bacon. He's giving no fucks. He's a dog with bacon. Dogvana, even.

Nevertheless, Lunair peeks in at all the ninja noises. "Oh. Whoa. Uh. Yeah. You guys okay—" And then suddenly, A GAMBIT!

"Yes. It's all moved to a car. I have the documents they wanted. The gold is in the trunk. I don't really need that sort of stuff." She was cheating with portal guns and also not being even 10 percent as distracting as a fully charged DEADPOOL NINJA ACTION SCENE! "C'mon, guys. We should get moving before the police come by." And really, it's Nazi gold. Better it be put to non-evil purposes. "Thank you both." Nod. Even if she was slightly caught off guard by how it all went down.

"Curse his sudden but inevitable betrayal!" Deadpool shakes his fist at the heavens, waxing at the sky rather than stopping what will be the theft of the year! The millenia! The afternoon, at the very least. On account of Remy hasn't actually stolen anything yet.

"Did I jump the gun?"

A little.

"Mmmm… too late for a mulligan?"

A little.

Deadpool glances around slowly and grabs the headless guards arm, still clutching the sword, and pushes the blade through his own chest! "LIKE I WAS SAYING!"

"Curse his sudden but inevitable betrayal!" Waving his fists to the heavens as he sinks down to his knees with a dead man's sword sticking through his chest. "I trusted you!" Both fists curl into the deadman's clothing, wiggling him enough that little bits of spinal column jut out of the top part of his neck! "HOW COULD YOU HAROLD?!"

Fin!

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