Two In The Stink

October 19, 2015:

Detective Crowley apprehends a.. actually Deadpool did.. uh.. I don't know what is going on in this roleplay, but I think I need help :(

Midtown, Gotham

Characters

NPCs: Thug, an old lady.

Mentions:

Plot:

Mood Music: [*\# None.]


Fade In…

Why did we pick Gotham?

Because it was the first one on the list.

so you don't have any idea what we're doing here?

Do I EVER?!

"Guys, I'm trying to watch this dude mug an old woman…" Deadpool is sitting on the ledge of a building eating popcorn from a little paper bag while, down below him, a mugger mugs an old woman. Every morsle of popped corn is thrown at his open mouth and bounces off his mask to rain down onto the street.

"Sorry! keep going. I think she's got perrls. Dude… how do you spell perells? Purrlz?"

Jesus Christ hold on… Pearls.

"Thanks bro." he clears his throat, "Where was I?"

You think she has pearls.

"You're onpoint tonight. I think she has pearls!"


Delivering a death notice didn't come easy. But what was better? It was the drive going home. She was so close to leaving the darkness of Gotham, darkness which makes her uncomfortable until she just so happens to turn the radio down to hear an.. old woman screaming. The car was immediately put into park, Lillith immediately stepping out and leaving the keys in the ignition as her coat was thrown open to retrieve her service weapon. She uses her sense in this, drawing her way down the dark alley with her gun held at the ready, eyes peeled to the darkness unawares that the scene itself was being watched.

She could hear them, they were getting closer, and her danger sense didn't alert her to anything unusual. She presses her back against the building and turns, stepping out with her boot planted upon the ground as she narrows her eyes upon the unsightly scene.

"FREEZE!" She always felt silly saying that, but it was protocol. "You better back away from that ol' lady and put her shit down or I'll put -you- down!"


This part of the pose begins everything pretyped while waiting.

Keeping mind that it's pretty much like flagrant textual masterbation.

And here I thought we were going to try and be more serious.

Thus ends the portion that was pretyped while waiting.

"Guys, guys, head in the game, the fuzz is here! The plot thickens!" Deadpool's masked eyes widen in anticipation! How will this play out?! What will happen?! He doesn't know! Well technically he does know, doesn't he?

Well I do anyways.

"You gonna let the rest of us in on the plot?"

I don't know. I'm kind of enjoying the anticipation…

"You're really going to run with this? This is how we're going to do things our FIRST go?"

I… I… fine.. whatever. Next time.

Ugh… Deadpool facepalms and shakes his head against his fingers. "I'm a moron." While down in the alley, the hardened Gotham bred thug does the exact oposite of freeze and grabs the woman around the neck with one thick, tattooed arm, and points his own pistol at Lillith! How rude! How very Gotham of him!

"Thematically appropriate."

That's why I picked Gotham.

Liar.

"You know, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing right? Less is more… less. is. more." Deadpool slips off the edge of the building and falls towards earth like a torpedo. "BONZI!" BOOM! Landing on the top of a dumpster really really hard, his knee shatters in about a dozen places and he falls over and off the side into a heap on the concrete. "Oh my god… Oh muh jesus… sweet merciful jehova.." He claws at the ground trying to pull his body forward so his leg will come out of being a pretzel. "If this looks like it hurt, it's because it so does… Don't shoot me… jesus christ, please don't shoot me…" Hand held up at the thug, behind whom, he's just become a puddle.


As the large, burly man grabs the old woman, the old woman begins to shriek and cry. "Easy.. easy now.." Lillith calls out, moving just a touch closer until…

It almost felt like it would come in slow motion, the world seemingly stopped within those seconds by the inhale of a breath, her eyes slowly widening as a streak of what could be red.. or maybe brown.. depending on the way the light hits.. falls from the sky. The words that man or thing screamed out seemed warped, until everything picked up in normal speed again which causes Lillith to take a few more steps closer at the shock of it all.

"Wha.. what the fuck.." She manages to murmur out, gun shifting from the burly man to the one upon the ground who.. apparently was in distress.

And this is why people hardly ever come to Gotham. Shit like this.


We're making Gotham a less enjoyable place by a presence! Did you read that guys?!

This is your fault.

Oh whatever. We knew what were signing up for.

Touche.

"Jesus christ can you two shut up?! I'm in durress! I can't feel my toes…" Deadpool lays his forehead down on the concrete as, now, two pairs of pistols are pointed at him. One from a burly biker type of Gotham thug who most certainly doesn't look like a Ryan Reynolds fan, and one from the cop who's here to save a poor old woman!

It's Gotham. You're lucky the old woman doesn't have a gun too.

Back in your cage troll..

"It hurts so mu- oh, no, nevermind, I'm better." Deadpool springs up from where he was sprawled into a forward roll that has his right foot connecting with the thugs rib cage out of a kip flip kick. Enough force that he's able to spring right over in an aerial summersault flip, into a hand spring, into a pirouette. Hands even up in that archy thingy where his fingers touch the top of his head and he's lame ass pose with one foot up on his knee. Spinning to face… granny with a sawed off?

… Deadpool turns to look at Lillith, "Foreshadow…" Mouthed, rather than said. His mask winks.


"…" Okay! Lillith was at a loss. She's rescued kids from pedophiles, escaped unharmed from gunfights, even stopped a hostage situation but this? This? She was ready to pack it up and head into early retirement.

The masked man moves fast, his kicks true and the thug upon the ground, met with opposition from the older woman, Lillith just.. stares. There's a chance where she could just knee cap them all, drop the three upon the ground and leave it for Gotham's finest to clean up, but.. where was the justice in that?

She furrows her brows as the man mouths.. something.. something she couldn't quite make out. She could say freeze all over again, but..

"Alright lady, threats over.. put the sawed off away and scram.." Lillith tilts her gun towards the nearest exit, which is then trained upon Deadpool. "I don't know what the hell you're doing here and who the hell you are.. but you.." Fuck, she was just at a loss.


"really make red look good?" Deadpool runs his hands down his spandexy suit and nods like he's listening to a song, "I know right? I told my tailor, I want something that I can whip too… but also nae nae." He demonstrates that both are, in fact, possible.

The old woman wants to shoot Deadpool. He's been dropping popcorn on her the entire robbery and only decided to drop down when another PC got involved. She's displeased. If she had the wherewithal, she'd form an NPC union and be all: Equal rights for NPCs. Nonplayer Character lives matter movement.

Edgy.

But she does as the woman says, packing her shotgun in her oversized purse and skidaddling so that only three remain! The thug, who groans because he's got broken ribs and a headache, Lillith and Deadpool… who doesn't like oxford commas.

"So, I'm Deadpool. You've probably heard of me. Ryan Reynolds (redacted) me in that (redacted) about (redacted)…" Wade rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "It followed me here…" He'd facepalm, but he's extending the hand out to Lillith, "You got sweet moves, by the way… the way you screamed FREEZE?! whoa…" Swooning, hand on his heart, "You had me… no joke… it was crazy."


"…Uh…" Well, Lillith does tilt her head to the side to 'admire' his form. She was a cop, a New York City Detective, but she wasn't dead. Not in the slightest. But she does snap out of it, her brows lowering into an angry scowl as he continues to talk, the older woman fleeing the scene with her pearls in tact actually causes her to relax just a touch.

But only a touch.

"Okay…" She says quietly, gun still pointed towards him.. lowering ever so slightly as she takes a slight step back. "I haven't heard of you, no." She's lying, but what exactly did she hear? "..But I'm highly inclined to arrest you right now for assaulting that man right there and interfering in a police arrest." She pauses a little, then drops her gun hand to her side, her head shaking as she presses the other against her forehead.

This .. is nuts!

"I.. look you! Just shut up and get out of here!"


"Arrest me?!" Deadpool throws his hands in the air, "For ''that''?! Lady, I've got an assault rifle straped to my back and two katana swords that are way longer than the legal length in the state of New Jersey and you're going to arres- oh you're letting me go…" Blanching a little, Deadpool just sort of stares at her, mouth hanging agap behind his mask.

"All that incriminating stuff I just said, let's pretend I didn't huh? Certainly don't check how many parking tickets I have… Have you honestly ever tried to find decent parking in New York City? It's next to impossible… I mean they designed those streets in like five hundred and twenty when Rome still ruled North America… and they haven't changed any." It's a damn shame.

At least this time it's Canadian Public Schools to blame.

"I know right? Who else is tired of liberals?" Raises his hands. "Guns don't kill people. Imaginary people played by sociopaths on a computer pretend to kill people ''with'' guns." Side bar to the crowd, "MMOs, not MUSHes, I'm not -that- meta…"

Am I allowed to facepalm?

"Knock yourself out. I'll wait…" Nodding a little, cha-cha dancing to Ricky Martin on the youtube in his ''head'' (wink wink nudge nudge). "We good?"

We good.

"So I can go?" To Lillith, hands clasped together beneath his chin, knuckles touching the pointed bottom of his mask. "Peeez?"


There was that. The fact that he was armed enough to take down a large thug, a cop, an old lady, and a few dogs and kittens that come scratching down the alley was suspect. But she chose to overlook that in the heat of the moment, where confusion was high and mostly for the fact that this city was not hers. Most cops would be offended if another tapped into their jurisdiction, but an entire city? Well.. that remains to be seen.

"I.. ju.." She stammers out, her gun hand lifting and falling again, clearly becoming agitated with tonights events. She was done with it, she wasn't coming to Gotham ever again! If there was a crossing case, someone else could take it!

"Woah.. woah.. woah.. okay. Just stop! Just shut up for a minute! Who the hell are you talking to an.." There was a slight, rosy tint to her brown cheeks, her eyes were even watering just a little. She wasn't going to cry, but she was quickly, quickly becoming flustered. The gun was soon stuck within it's holster as cuffs were soon produced, it was clear that this man was a headcase. But.. she was being careful about it.. sort of.

No, this was impulsive.

"Hands in the air.." She takes a few steps forward, intent on crossing the distance. "I'm placing you under arrest so you can go through a full psych eval.." Cause clearly, this man was bananas.


"Before I agree, are we talking a place in Gotham?" Deadpool does not put his hands up as directed, but neither does he make any offensive motions towards or away from Lillith's approach, "Because aint nobody got no time to be in Arkham… Besides, wouldn't that just teach me to be ''more'' criminally insane? Right now I'm just plucky and adventurous… maybe a little whimsy.. I'm the Disney of anti-heroes. Because Disney totally doesn't have any connect to Deadpool…" Pause, "At all…"

"No I'm serious."

"Why is everyone staring at me like that?"

There is literally nobody staring at us.

"Says you, you're stuck in my head.. I'm the one down here in the real world taking hand grenades… These are the trenches man! The trenches!" Motioning around himself, "I'm shell shocked man! Like the dude who played Dr Cox when he was in Platoon! Or Tom Berringer or whatever! With his mutant face scars and silly goofy eye!" Deadpool flails around a little and starts pacing.

Like an agitated mental patient about to snap.

"I'm sick of nobody taking me seriously!" He smacks his knuckles against his forehead and growls, then grabs the material and tugs it foreward. "I'm ready to snap! I'm ready to break stuff… It's one of those days! You don't wanna wake up. Everything is fucked, everybody sucks…"

He kicks the brick wall and groans, "You don't really know why, but you want to justify, ripping someone's head off…"

Are you… a… are you singing limp bizkit?

Deadpool smacks a little… licks his lips behind the mask and walks over to Lillith with his arms out, "You're probably right. But I think I deserve an award for best supporting actor in a television movie."


"Hell no. It seems to me like you're a native of New York." The parking, him talking about the parking was true as bones. "So you're go.." Once again, she was cut off.. watchinghim, cuffs dangling from her fingers as he goes on his tirade about.. something or other. She didn't know if she needed her gun for this, aside from him knocking a guy out cold and breaking his ribs.. he.. did nothing towards her and appeared to save the old woman in distress.

But she was on guard, taking a step back as he continues to rant, her fingers pressing against the button to cause the cuffs to open with soft little clicks, her bottom lip slightly trembling and eyes wide.. and then lowered, bottom lip bent.

No danger sense yet. No flashes of daydreams that feature her dying in some odd and fucked up way..

But as he approaches with his arms out, she takes that bold step forward, one hand reaching out to grasp his wrist and the other moving forward to try to cuff him. "Darlin', you can have all of the awards you want as soon as I get you into the backseat of my.."

And then she catches herself. And blushes. Why is she blushing. Who.. okay.

WE GIVE UP!


"Oh snap, this just got good…" Deadpool's mask's brows wiggle at Lillith, "Wait, hold on, I heard that making sexual gestures at a police officer was a crime… How true is that?" He tilts his head and turns his eyes up into the corner of their sockets as if consorting his mental roledex of legality +2 verse getting arrested illegally.

"Shit…" Sheepish grin behind red mask ahoy, "Look, when I said that, I didn't realize it was a crime… and… is it too late to say you're a wonderfully beautiful woman, but I respect your right to say no?" Get that politically correct on. One finger raises, Wade turns and snaps a picture with Lillith with his cellphone, and thumb types. "At Deadpool nine nine seven… I mean how many people have the name Deadpool on twitter?" Shaking his head, "Getting arrested with class. Hashtag criminal gentlemen hashtag stay in school." Phone into his pocket, wrist held out for Lillith to cuff.

"Cool, I'm ready… think we can hit up a Mccy D's on our way back to New York? The McRib is back… and I'm lovin' it."

Another sigh… Deadpoolg rabs his phone and thumb types, "Hashtag gettinpaid hashtag I'm lovin it." Then puts it away again. "Sorry, sponsor."


"It's actually sexual harassment." Lillith corrects. So it was true, especially if it wasn't wanted. Just another crime to tag Deadpool with .. wait, what was his real name? "You're taking back -way- too much tonight, you oughta be careful." Right when he calls her pretty, she does actually fight a blush by way of another scowl, reaching for him again and pausing once he takes her picture.

The picture itself wasn't bad looking, but it does show her without a smile and highly confused.

"No!" GEEZ! She grabs him this time, her grip firm as she clasps the cuffs upon his wrist.. reaching for the other and.. waits.. then grabs him again once the phone was put away.. (where?!) to cuff his other wrist. "Alright. We're not stopping at McDonalds, Hardees, Sonic or Jimmy John's. Not even Arby's or Burger King, that shit will kill you. How about you tweet that little tidbit for your followers?"

And.. she was attempting to lead him out of the alley way, going through the motions of reciting his rights .. to.. you know, make it all legal.


At this point it's almost more fun to follow her than find some wacky and obtuse way of escaping, so Deadpool just follows along with a skip in his step. Seriously, he's treating the hand cuffs like little kids treat their money backpack leashes. "Can you believe parents actually put leashes on their kids now? But don't whip'em… oh no… it's okay to bind them and… dude, if you really want your childhood screwed up, rewatch You Can't Do That On Television."

Wade shakes his head with a long, dramatic sigh blown out against his mask. "That shit was like… I mean… even I was sitting in the chair saying, man… Canada has issues… but then again, I'm from Canada, so is anyone surprised?"

I'm slow clapping

"Anyways, you said it weren't wanted." Or you thought it. Can you hear my thoughts? He's staring at the back of her head really hard, like if he does so hard enough, he can project his throughts right into her skull. "Ugh… I'm no (redacted)… Oh come on…" His cuffed hands are thrown in the air, "I can't even say (redacted)?!"

Jean Grey.

"OH! I GET IT! I GET IT… I figured it out guys… any time I break the forth wall, it's redacted! That's clever…" Knowing this bit of information is pleasing! Since he's just making shit up as he goes along anyways. "How about subway? Five dollar foot long…" The last part is said in a sing songy voice, "Five dollah fuuuuut looooong… And it's pretty good for you. That one pedophile guy lost like twenty pants size, didn't he? I mean before giving kids th- you know what, I'm better than that joke."


"For a very good reason. No one wants their kid snatched from them and no one wants to deal with a kid with wandering eyes.." You can obviously tell that she doesn't have kids. "Speakings.. I can agree with.." She voices, the stroll she takes with him casual, sure of herself that he wouldn't vanish or run away. He was.. a law abiding citizen, right?

Even though she doesn't remember that show, or much of anything about herself, she keeps quiet, only glancing back with a slight smirk and a stop once they were out in the open. And then, her head was whipping back and forth.. up and down the street. "I said that wasn't what wanted?"

Oh, the comments. Well, a girl does like being complimented but she doesn't lead with her..

"What? Who are you talking to? And where the fuck is my car?!" She just gives up. Even as he sings five dollar foot long.. she just gives up. And he's only skinny because he was busy chasing kids down the street…

Pedo's start early!


I'm dying laughing over here! Her player is way more game to run with our bad jokes

"Cheeky." Deadpool says with a smirk behind his mask, following her glance up and down the sidewalk… even leaning out into the street to see if it's hidden behind the stop signs. Seriously, you never know. It's freakin' Gotham.

"What I always do when I lose something is buy a new one." He nods, being helpful. There's a quiet jiggling of cuffs and he throws the cuffs over his shoulders for a second so that he can thumb type on his phone, "At Deadpool nine nine seven.. Dude where's my squad car el oh el hashtag Gotham sucks balls hashtag boycott subway." His phone once more in his pocket, he returns his hands to the cuffs and steps up to the curb.

"We could always call a muligan and start over next time? Don't you guys lojack your cars, though?" Rocking back and forth from toe to heel. "It's cold and have you ever noticed that Jersey smells like a wet dog that someone left in a frat house toilet bowl? Batman can have this city, seriously…" He shakes his head, "Give me New York any day…" Looking off in a random direction, "Is that your car?"

"That one, right there, that looks exactly like a taxi…?"


Lillith was pissed, annoyed. "It wasn't my car, it was a fucking rental." She kicks an idle can, which skirts and skids across the street, which hits a black cat that causes it to yowl. Lillith jumps just a little, then turns.. watching as the cuffs come free so that he could text.. and.. they're back on again. Great. So he can get out of her cuffs and make it looks like childs play. Not to mention, she forgot to disarm him. Here's to hoping he doesn't slice her up!

It was her turn to bring out her phone, using her thumb to swipe in a few texts and a number, her hand lifting to press it against her ear as she takes a slight step back into the street to look towards the direction he indicated. "We're not going to take a taxi, I work for the police, I don't make a celebrity salary…" She does look though, halfway wanting to just let him go to forget all of this mess.


Another free hand extends over her shoulder, clutching a couple crumpled hundred dollar bills, "I took the thugs wallet." Deadpool says helpfully. At least one of his hands is still cuffed this time! See?! He's trying to be nice about it.

"Who we totally left back there unconcious. What if the subway dude is running around? Oh hey look, this dude is totally unconscious…" Panomiming looking over each shoulder discretely, "Don't mind if I do… ziiiiiiiiip…"

"Seriously, this is Gotham. Shouldn't we at least… like… give him a chastity belt or something? I don't know what sort of weird stuff they're into in this city and I don't want some poor guy to be…" Whatever, she's texting now, so Deadpool just stands there with stolen money held over her shoulder, "Seriously, I'm cold… It's like thirty million below zero and I think the city just shit its pants… because this place smells like a taco bell bathroom."

Poop humor never gets old.

"nope, never."


"God.. Deadpool!" She nearly snaps out, then focuses upon her phone. "Hi yes, I need a car. Badge number 249063. Yes. Gotham. Midtown. Thirty minutes? You got it. Thanks." Beat. "No, I didn't say Deadpool.." She immediately hangs up the phone, turning to look at the money that was fisted in her direction, her hand reaching up to clasp his to bring it down again, "Stop that.. my intention was to get you secure and then call and wait for the local PD to arrive arrest him. But it looks like we're going to have to baby sit him before he gets the Jar.." Stop it.. Lillith don't do it! "..ed treatment."

She couldn't believe she was going along with this conversation, even reaching out to grasp his arm to lead him back to the alleyway as he texts, her nose wrinkling for as soon as it's brought up? She could actually smell the excrement in the air..

They must have been cropdusted by the city..

"Never what?"


Cropdusted by the city.

"Right? Gotham is the rude ketchup." Deadpool is yoinked back in the direction of the alleyway now that he's rehandcuffed, even dragging it out like he might trip, but he wasn't gonna! Totally had his balance the whole time! Slap stick comedy MASTER over here.

"Hey, I'm not judging. He was totally going to shoot that old woman for her pearls… You ever think what would happen if some kid saw his parents gunned down in a Gotham Alleyway?" Stop being Meta, you say? This is the price you pay, everyone knew what this was. Don't make it something it's not!

"Man, that would really mess a kid up, huh? He'd start running around in a red and black suit… I have something I need to tell you. I'm actually Bruce Wayne."

On their walk back to the alley, "Man, you're not joking… I'm seriously worried about Gotham's bowels… that's rotten." Try wrinkling your nose under a mask while handcuffed! He can't escape it! It's like being held down and getting a stink seed planted right in the nostrils!

"People who play in Gotham need serious help… next time I'm going with what's behind door number two.." He pushes a button on his belt so as to produce canned laughter.

"See what I did there? Number two? Because we're talking about poop."


"Actually, sometimes Gotham -can- make New York seem like the shit of the pool at times." AT TIMES. Which was few and far in between. She does shake her head at his joke, at least everyone knows the profile of Bruce Wayne, whether this guy is actually Bruce Wayne is really suspect. But.. a self respecting man like that wouldn't dare traipse around Gotham in a costume, let alone one like Deadpools. Carrying on!

Once they enter into the alleyway, Lillith removes her hand from his arm to take those few steps forward, the man still out cold for now as she gives a slight shake of her head. "You're playing in Gotham.. so we're in agreement that you do need serious help."

And then she tries to impart some wisdom. "I know you must be some sort of.. durable mutant type with you crashing and crunching your leg but.. don't you think that this whole.. vigilante thing is absurd and practically bad for your health, son?"

And then.. poop jokes. They were making poop jokes and she didn't even realize it.

Can -she- face palm now?


"You either want to face palm or are desperate need of a ladies room…" Deadpool observes helpfully! Once he's released he hops up on the same dumpster that broke his knee and rests cuffed wrists on his legs, "Well, I think we've both come to the conclusion that I'm few boxes of fruit loops short of a full bowl of cereal.. but I would still argue that I'm more plucky than psychotic."

He turns his hands over into a shrug mirrored by his shoulders. "I'm not psychologist or nothin', but What's the difference between a police officer and a vigilante? I mean, you get paid for it, sure.. but can we really dterminately confirm that legality is a defining factor in our varying world views?" Motioning between the pair of them.

"In my experience, Vigilantes represent a minority in the greater cosmic definition of law enforcement, right? Like if a Tyranisaurus rex came rolling up main street out there, wouldn't you rather someone with ninja swords and the ability to regrow his limbs took care of it?" The eyes of his mask actually move with his facial expressions. Which is incredibly difficult to describe with words! OH MUH GAWD.

"I'm just saying… I mean if you need to make a number two or whatever, I'm not going anywhere…" Hands held up, "I'm cuffed remember?" Because that's stopped him right?! RIGHT?!

Why are you not using us anymore?

"You stopped being funny bro… I'm sorry…" Hanging his head a little, "I promise I'll include you more, okay?" Patting the side of his head, then petting back along his mask, "So… where was I? Oh, right… yeah… that woman pulled a shotgun on me! What the hell was with that, huh?"


"Probably both.." Lillith mutters beneath her breath. She takes a lean up against the wall, her phone pulled again to stare at the time, her gaze lifting to fall upon him as he does make a lot of sense but.. she still held her stance. Vigilantes are still a bad thing. "You don't need to be a psychologist to know what the difference is. It's our job. Yes we get paid and compensated for putting our lives on the line, and we're also careful. We don't go out there, shooting willy nilly while there are people about. Blowing up buildings, having car chases and space battles that could kill innocent people by the millions."

"If a T-Rex came rolling up the main street, we quarrantine and wait for the army or national guard, or whoever deals with things in the Jurassic Park nature. Shield!" She snap points at him. "Besides. I highly doubt a T-Rex is going to pop out any time soon and I'm going to need some.. ninja sword wielding guy to save my life. From anything." She winks.. this one, she could actually describe. No mask!

"I think you're a bit too focused on my bowel movements at the moment, how about we redirect that into being silent. Yeah?"

And then she just stares at him, who in the hell was he talking to?

"Gotham." That's all she needed to say, as if his question and her answer about the old lady was the universal truth in all things.


"You clearly know nothing about the medical field, Ms. Strong Independent Police Woman whose badge number is 249063." Deadpool wiggles his wrists in the cuffs and lays his head back against the wall. His feet are kicking forward and back like a little kid sitting at a high chair with the added benefit that each time his heels 'bing' off the trashcan. Until he's doing it to a beat. Then slapping his hands on his thighs and rattling the chains in time.

"I am sitting in the morning, at the diner on the corner. I am waiting at the counter for the man to pour the coffee.. And he only pours it half way, but before I get to argue…" He breaks off and scratches his butt, lifting one leg to get a good angle, "Man, I love that song… FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS RIGHT NOW… Who sings it. And don't you dare look it up on Google."

YOU EITHER

YOU EITHER!

"Who are you TALKING to?"

I don't know… I didn't want to be left out…

"Get back in your hole, I'll let you know when you're funny again cus it aint yet.." Deadpool leans forward so his elbows rest on his knees, "So, if it were my 'job' to fight crime, then it'd be okay? Like if I were an Avenger… do the Avengers even exist? They must, it wasn't redacted…"

Dude… we use to be Tony Stark. You -know- they exist.

"Don't bring logic into this alright?" Again he clears his throat, "Damnit, I lost my train of thought…" Patting the air, jiggling his chains, "Okay, we were talking about your poop… and I said something about the medical field to make a Scrubs joke with 'everything comes down to poo'… then I started singing Tom's Diner."

Way to go Genius.

"Whatever.. nobody knows the name of that song without looking it up… SO then I was saying Avengers.. No, I'm totally lost." He throws his hands up and shakes his head. "I'm carrying on like twenty conversations at once. I'd swear I've out meta'd myself with these prose… that has to count for something."


"Obviously." Lillith shoots back with a little bit of a snark. It was half past the time that her back-up car was supposed to be there, and she was getting a little restless. To the point that she started to pace. "Good memory recall.." She comments, nearly resisting the urge to knock him from the garbage can lest he wake up big, bulk'n'scary. She couldn't even begin to think of where that song came from, but once it stops?

"Me? I didn't say anything, you're the only one here.."

She didn't know that he had two points crazy in his head, if she did? The conversation that they've been having could have gone completely different.

"Ok ok ok. If it were your job to fight crime? Yes. And I really don't even think the Avengers count for something such as this." She gestures towards the man on the ground. "Widescale apocalyptic, which.. has happened more times than I can count, yeah. But the rest? Absolutely not."

She lets out a sigh, shifting her peacoat back so that she could access her keys, fumbling with them for a moment as she approaches the dumpster, standing directly in between his legs to reach out and grasp the cuffs as he continues to prattle on to himself.. or to her.. she wasn't sure.

"I don't know what you're talking about.. but you're strange Deadpool, and I can't follow you. Any normal person probably would have shot you by now but.." She unlocks the cuffs, slipping them from his wrists to hang in between her own fingers, a step taken back as she gestures. "When you get back to New York, you think about getting yourself some help. At least do that for me, okay?"


Wade is so caught up in his internal monologue that he completely overlooks the fact that for, like whole twenty seconds, she was standing between his legs! The whole time he's trying to peice together earlier bits of conversation with the random, "Then I said T-Rex…" Pointing one way, "And you said screw T-Rex, Chris Pratt…" Pointing the other way, which is probably making uncuffing him unnecessarily difficult.

Dude seriously look up.

She's between our legs!

Dude seriously… I'm completely against teaching Sex Education in School and even I know that you need to look up right now…

I'm just here to make editing this log that much more difficult.

"What are you all yammering on about?!" Banging his head, now uncuffed, against his palm… but by then she's stepped out from between his legs and is asking him something about… getting… help? No, that makes no sense. "Tacos? Hell yeah I'm going to get some tacos.. There's this stand right outside Central Park.. like a few weeks ago in another universe, I was all fighting these bad guys.. and… someone… not important I guess cus I don't remember them… was all: oh no, don't go you're under arrest… and I'm like bang, teleport, bang teleport… pretty much just making her look stupid, yah know?" He slips down off the dumpster.

"Anyways, this was fun. I'm glad I didn't have to teleport out of your car… it'd be kind of like the dancing frog, hah! Man, that would have been kind of funny… WB doesn't own me though… that's that (redacted) dude on the station that runs iZombie."


Lillith jerks away from him in that moment, her head bouncing every which way, brows raising as a weird smile draws upon her lips. "No.. no no no.. Not Tac.." Oh forget it. She can already tell how things would've gone from here on out. She would have been driving, and he would have been talking the entire way…

..until she drove herself off of the Metro bridge to end her misery. He was a little bit insufferable.

"Bang.. telep.." Oh, another one of those.. "You can teleport too?" What the fuck? She gets creepy dreams and overly spooky danger sense and these assholes now a days can teleport? As he slips off of the dumpster, she takes another step back, guarded. "Yeaaaah.. so.." Lillith manages to get out. "Taco cart. Central Park. Got it. I'll check the guy out.." She loves road food. "But.. get on.. teleport.. or what.. have.. guh.." Her brain? Effectively done with today.


"Oh, no.. I mean yes, but not because I have one of those lame ass x-genes or metachlorians or whatever the hell they call it in this universe…" Deadpool scrunches up his nose and shakes his head, "I'm all human over here baby… except for like the healing factor and the ninja skills and the brain scrambling…"

So he's going to explain, in Deadpool logic, his origin story! This should be fun! "I was once a man, right? Then I got cancer or something, I think… maybe it was hemorroids… that's really besides the point, what's important is they did all these really nifty studies on me! And the put other people's blood in my blood which gave me a 'defacto' x-gene."

Literally following her around now, looking over her shoulder at whatever she's doing. "So I'm a mutate. In like scientific terms, I'm the goey shit left at the bottom of a can of faygo." Pause, "Anyways.. the teleportation is from my belt! Well, not my belt belt.. but it's on my belt. Like a battery pack or a cellphone carrier, only I'm not a lame ass douche who tucks in their t-shirts and wears their cellphone on their hip to look self important while nobody even calls them."

No. We leave it in our pocket where nobody calls us.

"Ugh… I mean touche or whatever.. but too mean…" Whatever, he's a trooper. "N.E.Waiz. Imma bounce." Thumbing over his shoulder, then pointing at the beat up dude, "You good with this guy… cool. Glad we had this talk. I feel like we broke ground on a really bitchin' origin story for a budding friendship…" He takes out his phone and stands waiting, "Sup with your digits? So we can hang out again… not because I'm pevy.. Seriously, I'm not that kind of weirdo."


Lillith, just listens. And listens. And listens. In fact, she was listening so much that she nearly forgotten about what the hell was going on and why they were there in the first place, until the guy upon the ground groaned. With a slight shake of her head, she steps away to land a well placed kick against the mans temple, then tries for all that was holy to focus.

"Right.." She finally manages to get out. His story seems a lot more interesting. "I.. don't remember anything after the age of twenty." She offers up, as if that was the most interesting thing in the world, which was a lie. His story was much better, even if he had hemorroids or not! "Okay.. are you schizo? Like really. Are you talking to a devil who's on a bag of hot cheetoes or something?" But… "Yeah, he'll be alright. Police will get here with the car and take him on down.. somewhere.. where ever their place is." She waves her hand in a blaise fashion, then.. gives a slight roll of her eyes. "I don't know what kind of weirdo you are but.. just give me a call once you get back into town and we can work on getting you settled."

Like settled on zoloft.. wellbutrin, maybe adderall.. and some sort of pain killer that'll mellow him out.

"929-555-2565. And.. just call me Detective Crowley."


"Boosh, totally got a set of digits. Cable can suck it." Deadpool thumbs the number in and uses the grumpy faced picture of Lillith as her ''profile'' for calling purposes, "I use burner phones because I'm totally a murderer." Said with a grin that she couldn't possibly see, "Kidding, I'm kidding…"

You're lying. You've totally killed people.

You know it's funny because he's going to answer you and screw it all up…

"Nuh uh, totally not going to blow it." He drops his phone back into his pocket and takes a breath, "Alright, well that sounds super awesome." About the cops, not remembering stuff is not awesome, "Not remembering anything is less awesome." See? Said -two times- so it has to be true. "When I get back to New York you can tell me all about it because you've got this whole ''on the job, hard boiled rarr, John Woo, Replacement Killers'' kinda vibe." Wiggling his fingers, turning back towards the street.

"Nope, totes muhgoats not skitzo.. the voices in my head talk back.. but they're my voices. Just with different accents. Like yellow sounds like me, but green sounds like he's from Georgia… and a little fruity, not gonna lie… I think he might be one of the gays." Totally not a homophobe, hope this isn't a trigger!

"Not that I have a problem with that, yah know? Who my brain wants to have intercourse with is its own business… love is love." Strutting on down towards the street with his hands in his pocket, "But you keep it real, alright? Find a bathroom. Holding the poop is bad for the sphincter muscle.. Green said that. I think he's a nurse too."

Deadpool finger waves a "toodles"… Then touches his belt and teleports away. Like one of those old analog televisions being turned off.

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