Living With Yourself

April 28, 2015:

Kara finds Fenris doing some enchanting. The Wolf God and she talk about recent events and living with your decisions.

JL:A Lakehouse

A large section of the main room has had the furniture temporarily rearranged while Fenris is enchanting with his 'forge'. Don't worry. He'll put it all back later.

Characters

NPCs: None.

Mentions:

Mood Music: [*\# None.]


Fade In…

It was a good hunt with Kate but eventually she had other things to tend to. After seeing her off to where she had to get to, Fenris himself returned to the JLA house where he knows the younger members spend a lot of time and brought his forge out. It's a large slab of hexagonal stone. A pedestal that glows with runes and power. He's… carving small stones and crystals on it. Imbueing them with power. The JLA might need… healing talismans at some point.

***

Kara had heard Fenris doing some work on the forge, a new sight for her and she decided it would be a good opportunity to talk to the man after what had happened recently. Looking a little distraught she approaches him, asking, "Am I interrupting Fenris?" She reaches up to touch the Ley Pendulum for a moment sadly.

***

He glances up and smiles. "No not at all Kara. Come, sit. I was just making some healing talismans on the off chance someone got beaten up badly enough to need some magic and I wasn't around." He smirks. "Unthinkable I know. You look like you have a lot on your mind."

***

Taking a seat near the forge, Kara sighed a little replying to the old wolf, "I do. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything is so confusing and it feels like it's all falling apart around me. I try to do the right thing, but it never seems like enough for anyone." She frowns, "At France, I tried to take down the Hydra Carrier as quickly as possible so that lives could be saved in the city. Every other time I'm with people fighting Hydra, they try to take them down as quickly as possible but now I'm being told not to do things that way and to find alternatives so I'm trying."

She touches the pendant again, "When I went with Zee and the others to close the final hellgate, I did my best to try and avoid anything happening to the human hydra agents in the fight. Nobody was pleased with me for it, it seemed like I held them back by doing it and some like Jes even wanted them dead. When I didn't want to let her, she told me I shouldn't even wear the pendant and I'm not worthy. So if that's true, I understand if you want it back."

***

"Jesana is a very… angry young woman." Fenris says, laying his tools aside. "She has reasons, but sometimes her heart rules her head. As for the pendulum, I do not pick the bearers. I find them. There's a difference. I could have no more made you one if you were not worthy than I could make a mouse be one. The question is, do 'you' want it?"

***

"I do. I like being able to make a difference and help and to be part of things, but I'm scared that no matter what I do, I'm never going to make anyone happy." Kara looked down at the ground, "I feel terrible about what I did in France, I had never used my powers like that before and I didn't know that I'd be able to actually /do/ it. It just happened and no matter what, I can't help but wonder, even if I hadn't done it and I had taken extra time to try and disable the ship or something would it have even mattered? Would they now be saying, Supergirl sympathizes with Hydra that's why she took her time disabling the carrier while innocent people died?"

***

Fenris chuckles and reaches over to tap the diminutive blonde girl on the nose. "You have it right there, Kara, though I don't know if you know it. You will never be able to make everyone happy. Ever. Trying so will only wear you out. And sometimes, you won't be able to make anyone happy at all. Sometimes there's no good answer to a problem. Freuqently, really. At the end of the day, you have to be able to live with yourself. Now, I could tell you what I think about all that… but I think right now what you think is more important."

***

Kara's nose wrinkles cutely as Fenris taps it and she smiles a little, "That's the problem, I'm not entirely sure what I think of it. It's confusing, because I just don't know. I feel the disappointment coming from others, I can see that my actions have had consequences for everyone and I think maybe they're right." She sighed now, the smile fading, "Superman, he's so disappointed in me. I think he hates me now, he's ashamed I'm Supergirl and probably blames me for everything.."

***

"If he does then he's not the man I've heard about. But… there's a decent chance that he is the man I've heard about so don't read too much into it." Fenris settles on a couch inviting Kara to make herself comfortable. "Most of this League, they're not warriors. They've never had to make real battlefield decisions. And fighting demigodlike 'supervillains' rarely qualifies as a substitute. So we come at this from different perspectives. I'm ancient, Kara, and I have watched men kill men by the hundreds of thousands since before the collective memory of these people. What happened is not, by that standard, really that unusual. It feels so, though, because it's new to you."

He pauses for a moment to consider the young woman before him. "Would you do things differently if you had the chance? Many of us can say the same. But did that's not the crux of the matter. Did you make your decision as best you were able with the information you had? If you can say that, then you have nothing to be ashamed of. In the heat of a battle - and that was just that, Kara, let no one tell you otherwise - decisions must be made in an eyeblink. There's no such thing as a perfect plan, nor can such situations be weighed and considered in medias res."

***

Kara nods her head solemnly to Fenris as she makes herself a little more comfortable on the couch, "I did what I thought was best at the time and even now, I can't know that any decision would have been better for the people at risk; only to ease my own conscience and avoid the scathing stares of others. So no, I wouldn't change my decision, even knowing what I have to deal with now."

She gripped the edge of the couch before looking away, "How many innocent people lost their lives in that city? Yet it's the lives of Hydra people are worried about, it sickens me. I did what I did to make sure no other innocents, people I swore to protect would die."

Reaching up to wipe her eyes she explains, "My father used to tell me, the people of the galaxy, the ones with intelligence feared Kryptonians because of what we were capable of. This kind of power, it's probably why we became so isolationist, people fear us, no matter where we go. Maybe there's a reason our planet was destroyed, Kal-El and I probably should have died along with it."

***

"People will always fear. I spoke to Kate about this recently as well. Mankind will always fear what it does not understand or cannot control. Some of what you face now is a result of that fear, and some of it is the result of men using that fear to further their own ends." The Old Wolf pats Kara's hand. "I cannot say this will be easy for you, Kara. It will not. And in some ways you must live with that fear. Because you will never be able to reassure them all. But I do not think it would have been better for you to have died. Nor, I think, do those you saved in France. And you did save people in France. Those who would shed tears over the lives of the enemy lost in battle… are frankly wrong. Or at least, have never had to make the kinds of hard choices battle produces."

***

Kara looked back to Fenris sadly and nodded again, "I just wish I knew what to do. I haven't lived thousands of years or hundreds or dozens. I'm eighteen. There's so much I haven't even had the chance to do yet and I'm already responsible for so much. I'm just not sure if I should be focussing on other things to, like trying to maybe be a little normal? Not always being Supergirl or Kara ZOr-El but trying to fit in on Earth without that."

***

"You'll have to find what's normal for you. It'll be difficult for you to be… truly normal with your fame but you're not alone in that and some notable trainwrecks notwithstanding mortal celbrities manage it just fine too. I can help you hide, as well, if you need it." His magic doesn't extend to illusions but he could make some physical alterations, enough to hide her identity from casual observation if it came down to it. "You should know that I'm not disappointed in you."

***

Kara leaned over to hug the old wolf, "Thank you Fenris. I don't want to hide or anything, but it's hard always being Supergirl. Even Superman has a life.." Of course, she wouldn't speak of it and she still had no clue how he managed it, "I mean he has a life outside of being Superman. I mean he's had decades to work on that and he came here as a baby, not a teenager."

***

"It's not an easy balancing act to manage. But I'm confident you can. And it may help to just… not have to bear the crest for a little bit. Even if it's only long enough to go out with Kate and get a burger or something." It's the little things, sometimes, Fenris knows that well enough. He gives the young blonde a hug in return and smiles. "Feeling any better?"

***

"A bit yeah." She smiled a bit more up at Fenris, "How have you been? Since the stuff with Thor, I didn't mean to upset you and I really hope the pair of you can get along here on Earth, despite whatever happened in Asgard. People change, maybe if he was a jerk to you before, he's nicer now I don't know….. It seems complex."

***

"He's more or less as I remember him. I was telling Kate the whole story… she can give it to you later, if she likes. Ask her, though. The telling of it once is… rather enough for one night." The Wolf-God says quietly. "I've been well enough. Worried now that the Sorceror Supreme is missing and investigating how and why that's happened. As for Thor…" Fenris shrugs. "I do not know if we will get along. Much depends on him. The matter is… as you say, complicated. But I do have… reasons for not trusting them, and I do not - make no mistake - trust him. But you needn't worry about that. I'm not upset with you. You didn't know."

***

"I'll ask Kate and see if she doesn't mind, I don't want to make you go through telling it all again obviously." The young woman raises her eyebrows at the mention of the Sorcerer Supreme, "If I can help in any way with the Supreme Sorcerer guy, just let me know and I'll keep an eye on Thor for you. Who knows, even if you won't be friends you could become teammates to each other one day like the rest of us are."

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